Examination of Conscience
Just got off the phone with my parents. After a "manic Monday" (what with my students' midterm exam, which I worked on till the last minute, and the readings I had to do for the next couple of lectures), there's nothing like a phone call to the Philippines that refreshes me. Before tonight, I hadn't called home for three weeks, so I relished the simple joys of catching up with my parents. It's funny how living abroad for the past three years has made me mellow down and GROW UP in so many ways. I used to be the biggest rebel, especially when I was in college. This put me at odds with my parents. Naubos yata lahat ng rosaryo ng nanay ko sa akin. And now, surprise, surprise, I'm at the point where I'm actually friends with my parents. It's definitely something to be thankful for.***
I received rather surprising news from my mom tonight. She received a letter from Mommy P, one of my friends at the Correctional Institution for Women (CIW) in Mandaluyong just last week (I can't disclose this person's identity, for obvious reasons. I also abhor tsismis.) Apparently, Mommy P (the other inmates call her "mommy" because she has taken on such a role, especially in death row) took time out to write a long letter to my parents. I don't know the particulars of the letter, since my mom would rather that I read it myself. I just know Mommy P told my parents about what I did during my visits to CIW, mentioning that I slept on her bed when I stayed the night in death row last January. My mom also said Mommy P spoke so highly of me, which surprised my dad because he saw a different side of me upon reading the letter, and he just couldn't believe Mommy P was talking about me at all.
I cannot even begin to articulate how I feel. Suffice it to say that I'm touched and humbled at the same time. I'm intrigued by what Mommy P wrote, but I know I wouldn't flatter myself with whatever she said about me. She and the other inmates know me so well--my quirks included. But when my mom told me about the letter, I thought to myself, 'That sounds so much like Mommy P.' For she always sees the good in other people and lets them know that they matter in her own special way. During one of my last visits to CIW this year, she told me she wanted to write to my parents so they would see a different side of me. Perceptive si Mommy. She sensed some of my issues on the home front, even if I didn't disclose anything. Well, she really followed through with what she had said. All this is humbling, considering her situation. As a "political prisoner" whose sentence was commuted from the death penalty to life imprisonment, she literally has nothing and yet she still manages to reach out in such a profound way. I'm just really humbled by it all.
And I've arrived at the same realization over and over again through my interactions with the other inmates in CIW, who likewise remain close to my heart.
***
I've been thinking about my sisters in CIW a lot lately. I wonder how they are and lift them up in my prayers. Not a day goes by when I don't miss them. I've become really close to the inmates, especially those on death row, through the years, despite the distance that separates us. My last visit brought me even closer to them--and my "sleepover" on death row probably had a lot to do with it. Hindi na sila naiiba sa akin.
Whenever I get overwhelmed by the concerns and challenges I encounter in my daily life, God taps me on the shoulder to remind me that I'm still blessed, despite the circumstances. If anything, I'm still blessed because I'm free. It's not that I'm making opium out of other people's pain and suffering. Rather, I endeavor to live my life in solidarity with them, such that I'm painfully aware that there are so many other serious problems in the world that need to be attended to, and that my own issues are so trivial in comparison. Nowadays, when petty concerns, flip-offs, and such tend to dominate my life and world, to a fault, it's about time I remembered that.
found herself @ 11:55 PM
9 Comments:
Sis DI, balik ra ko unya kay mobasa aning taas kaayo nimong post hehhehe ambot man dire ang kataas sis, mukaon sa ko maniudto kay gutom na, balik ko unya kay mo read dire sa imong post, 'K? ingat kanunay sis, luv ya!
Hi seeker, tapulan ka na Mareng Mareng Ethel mo basa'g taas nga posting, nyahaha. Ato2x lang ni ha, ayaw saba sa iya.
Dili na ko ma open ang mga link diha sa imong posting, ambot lang.
Anyway, I thought all of you family is already here. What the world, how did you get an entry to come in America. I know it is hard, not unless, a if you have parents her or a fiancee visa or spouse.
Are you married before? Sorry to ask you that, I am just curious.
O cge dear,I've gtg now. Mo duaw sa ko sa uban silingan while my Maria went back to sleep.
Have a great day.
Ethel: Hehe pasensya na dami kong iniisip kagabi after I talked to my parents, andami ko tuloy naisulat. Ingat rin. Luv yah!
Raquel: Sus ginoo. No, I was never married before. I came here on a student's visa. Have a good day too!
Dia na ko sis Di, akong gikugihan ug basa ang kataas heheh
Aw mao ba, akong maingon kanimo, blessed kaayo ka! Am proud of you sis.
Kining si kumareng raquel, tapulan kuno ko mo basa ug posting, ahak mang limpyo sa lagi ko una ayha ko mag blogging2x hahaha tan awa human nakog panghimuta kay bag o lang ko kamata hehehhe
Ayo ayo diha sis Di, regards si churchill nimo, ay kanang kabalo ka mutoli? ipatuli unta nako sa imo kining akong 4 legged nga bogoy bwahahahha
P.S- Sis Di, kasab i ko ha ug naglagot ka sa akong mga pakatok dire, wa man gud koy lingaw oy. hehehe love ya sis
hello,Di..ganon yata talaga,pag nahiwalay ka sa family mo doon mo lang marerealize kung gaano sila kaimportante
sa buhay natin...
Marami pa palang amazing things na nasa likod mo...Bilib din naman ako sa yo...
good luck,
ghee
Interesting. Doing things like that can be a life-changing experience. You gain insights on different aspects of mortality. In HS, we frequently went to institutions and it often broke my heart.
Hello, passing by :)
Sunshinepinay
hi dear lady di! Wow you actually slept with a "dead man walking". it must have been quite an experience. sometimes, we cant help but feel heavy hearted after doing such.
by the time you're reading this, Im sure you're already enjoying your brief vacation in NY.
have fun sis!
Nang Ethel: Thanks, sis. Regards rin kay Churchill, hehe :) Miss na kita. Walang makulit sa tagboard ko, hehe :) Ingat!
Ghee: Thank you. Touched naman ako sa sinabi mo.
Sunshinepinay: Thanks for your comment. I agree. My volunteer work at CIW has changed my life in so many ways, and I've learned a lot about the justice system and human nature, among others. I've come to realize that we're all human. Going to an institution such as CIW isn't easy. I can relate to what you said because I too get depressed or broken-hearted (and disillusioned) by what I witness. But I'm keeping on.
Darlene: Well, technically, "dead women walking" ang nakasama ko--although I'd rather not refer to them in those terms for personal reasons. Yes, it was quite an experience to get padlocked with those on death row. After several months, it remains surreal. Maybe I should write about it one of these days. Like I said, I'm not above the tendency to feel depressed or even emotionally drained after doing such work. But I just offer it up--it's my way of being in solidarity with them.
Actually, I'm still in Chicago. But I'm leaving for NY in a few hours! Take care, everyone. Happy weekend.
Aw, sowi po, seeker. Karon pa ko kabantay sa akong mga splling nangamali man diay.
Tiaw2x ra to oi, pero ka swerte jud nimo kay nakakuha kag student visa.
O cge happy weekend.
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