"Pigeonholes are for pigeons."
I browsed through my friend M's blog, and ended up checking out her friend's blog as well. Funny, some of M's friends don't know it but I've been reading their blogs, which are really interesting. These girls also happen to be bi, so we're on the same wavelength--that is, if I'm really bi.I dunno. I thought of answering this quiz online after reading the blog of one of M's friends and guess what...I scored as a lesbian. The quiz was taken from QuizFarm.com--Are you bisexual (girls only)?
You scored as Lezbian.
you are lezbian! you aren't bi, you like vagina and only vagina!
Lezbian
83%
Somewhat bi
42%
Totally Bi
42%
STRAIGHT
25%
Whaaat? Just when I thought I'd embraced my newfound identity as a bisexual woman, this is what I find out? I know I used to identify as a lesbian when I was in college, but I fell for certain guys (T, W, and Papa R, among others). I just didn't want to admit it then because I was pretty damn sure I was a lesbian, but later on, I just had to admit to myself that I did like guys, too. It just so happened that I didn't fall for typical macho guys. Instead, I went after sensitive, caring guys and if the guy happened to be religious/spiritual, that was my ultimate weakness. A year or so after I graduated from college, I didn't feel comfortable identifying as a lesbian anymore and I came to own my attraction to the opposite sex. I also learned to own up to my mistakes--like the times I hurt certain guys, like T and N, and missed out on the opportunity to get into a relationship with the opposite sex because I had pigeonholed myself as a lesbian.
Padre Ferriols once said, "Hindi maaaring ikahon ang meron." Or something to that effect. Hindi rin maaaring ikahon ang sistema. Kapag hindi na gumagana, palitan ang sistema. (Hey Don, I remember Philo 101 and 102!) So by the time I turned 22, I didn't want to label myself as being of one sexual orientation or another. I started falling for guys more from that point onward, although I didn't date anyone. But I didn't even want to use the word "bi" for a time because of my issues with it. I eventually learned to accept my sexual orientation as it is.
I recently shared my realizations about my sexuality and my shortcomings in terms of labeling myself as a lesbian with Grace. Her only comment was, "Pigeonholes are for pigeons." And I agree with her. Being a sociology major, I know that sexuality is fluid. However, we're socialized into thinking and identifying ourselves as either heterosexual or gay/lesbian. Bisexuals are misunderstood, in a lot of ways. They're seen as kinky, promiscuous, fence-sitters, confused, and to top it off, people who are just pretending to be bi so they can have the best of both worlds.
I love who I love. I learned the hard way the pitfalls of labeling myself as a lesbian. Therefore I will not let gender/sexuality get in the way of the relationships I might have in the future. That is not to say I would ever date a guy and a girl at the same time. That's cheating, period. Stick to one naman ako.
The funny thing is, I might as well be asexual because I haven't had a relationship for so long (except for the short-lived one with R). Heck, I haven't had you-know-what for almost 5 years. Hehe =)
found herself @ 2:13 PM
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