For my troubled sister
Now I know why God enabled me to become a good listener through the years. And why God led me to Chicago, even if all but one sister in the Philippines discouraged me from coming here. And why God allowed our paths to cross shortly after I got here. Even if I'm not a nun and Lord knows what I'm gonna do with my life, it is safe to say I understand you better than most of the sisters do. Since I'm an outsider, I'm more impartial and I can help you look at your issues from a different perspective. I've always been thankful--and honored--that you trust me enough to share your vulnerable side and indeed, your true self with me, instead of being so conscious about maintaining a certain image as a nun. Whatever you share with me, I keep to myself. Unlike certain nuns in your community, I don't go around blabbing your business to the other nuns, only for them to use it against you.Because of your openness about your vocation stories and your experiences and struggles since your days as a novice, you've demystified the religious life for me little by little. You don't know how much that has helped me. Whatever decision I make, I know and I trust that it will be an informed decision. And I owe you a lot for that.
I just wish you'd be happier in the kind of life you chose for yourself after several years of discernment. We both know that the religious life is not a bed of roses, but I still wish the sisters you live with and/or report to wouldn't give you the heartaches you're experiencing now. I get affected by your struggles. Whenever you tell me that the pressures of religious life get to you and lead you to consider leaving the convent, I get scared--even if I know I'd support you 101% in whatever decision you make. When you cried yesterday, it broke my heart. Because I know you so well, I know your heart is in the religious life, even if the human side of it (i.e. the pettiness and jealousy of some sisters) gets to you sometimes. I know it can be a challenge to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, with all the discrepancies between what the religious life and Christian discipleship is supposed to be about and the behavior of some people in the Church, including the congregation you're part of. I just hope and pray that you won't give up.
Hang in there, my dear sister. I love you, baby.
found herself @ 4:13 PM
4 Comments:
I keep on forgetting to let you know, I have a cousin who left the congregation because of too disappointment, disillusionment, politics in the convent. She's still friends with the nuns, though she decided that she could help people better if she's out of there. It is the task, afterall, of every layperson to speak and live the faith today.
That's exactly why I have mixed feelings about the religious life. I wonder if I'm meant to journey with my friends in the convent and share in their missionary work as a lay person.
challenges and questions are everywhere - whether it be in a convent, a classroom, a senate chamber, a home... anywhere. when you become a religious or a priest you do not become a superperson. a person is not changed by the habit or the soutane he wears. what makes a person a better human being is his or her choices. if, despite all the malice and politics in this world, a person still stands for what Christ asks him/her to do, then that person is on the right track to fulfilling his or her unique mission on earth.
hi Fr. Stephen! You're so right. After visiting and getting to know people in the religious life for the past four years of my life, I've become aware of the humanity of people in the religious life. (Even if some priests I know--no offense--have the most inflated egos and can't stand being challenged by a lay woman like me.) In the end, it's all about fulfilling the work of Christ.
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