Sexy, Innocent Child-Woman

Back in Chicago

Well, I'm back in Chicago. I got back at around 2:30PM without any hitches.

I had a great time in Indiana. I wish I could have stayed there longer. I miss Nina already. Actually, I miss her entire family. I'm so touched and honored that they treat me like I'm one of them. I also consider them my family, in a manner of speaking. In some ways, they're more like my family than my relatives in Chicago are, and I don't know if that's a bad thing, but that's just how I feel. Their lifestyle is starkly different from mine but we've found common ground--in our love for Nina, our Christian faith, and our involvement in social justice causes.

I feel bad because I wasn't able to say goodbye to Mike, Nina's dad. Nina's grandparents (on her mom's side) gave me a ride to the train station and they arrived earlier than I expected them to. Mike was working in the shop then and I didn't want to keep Nina's grandparents waiting--nakakahiya naman--so I left with them right away. I know, I know, I could have asked them if they'd mind making a pitstop at the shop so I could say goodbye to Mike but they were headed toward the opposite direction and I really felt shy about asking them for another favor because their giving me a ride to the train station--which I didn't find out till early this morning--was such a big favor in itself. So I take it Mike was pretty surprised when Janae, Nina's younger sister, entered the shop and announced, "They're gone." I gave him a call shortly before my train took off and I apologized about not saying goodbye and thanked him for having me over. He sounded okay naman. But I still feel guilty about not saying goodbye to him.

Before she left for her meeting this morning (which gave me the chance to look after Nina and Janae--hehe, feeling mommy), Karen, Nina's mom, told me I was welcome to visit them anytime. When I spoke with Mike over the phone, he also told me, "We should do this again"--meaning, I should visit them again sometime. After all, Shipshewana, IN is just a 3 1/2 hour trip from Chicago--2 1/2 hours by train and an hour from the Southbend train station to their house in Shipshewana. He said it would work out for me to visit them (on a weekend when we were all free) and just take the train from Chicago to Southbend. Maybe I should take Mike and Karen up on their offer. Strangely enough, I've only seen Nina once a year--if at all--ever since I moved to Chicago, even if Chicago isn't too far from Indiana. I guess part of me feels shy and cautious because I don't want them to think I'm interfering with their lives, but if they say I'm welcome and I've been able to do stuff with other members of their family, besides Nina, then I guess it's a good sign.

I miss Nina. WAAAH! =( I didn't cry as much as I did before, but I almost cried during the drive to the Southbend train station and I did get teary-eyed during the train ride back to Chicago. I'd like to believe I've learned to let go and REALLY accept the fact that Nina was never mine to keep. I'm also confident that she's in good hands with her loving, supportive family, and I could never have given her that (as if pwede ko siyang ampunin n'ung nasa CRIBS pa siya). But I still miss her. I really consider her my daughter, my "baby" (even if she's already 9 years old), and she really taught me how to love and give of myself. I wonder if I'll ever have kids, but deep inside, I know that even if I'd never have kids, I won't feel incomplete because she was and will always be my daughter--even if I didn't give birth to her and even if I didn't adopt her. Corny as this may sound, I've never loved someone as much as I love her.

By the way, Nina has to go for ear surgery on Friday the 22nd at 10:30AM (Central Time). Please pray for my baby. July 22nd is also my friend Titan's 4th death anniversary, so please pray remember him/her in your prayers, too.

found herself @ 9:55 PM