My Life
Dops, eto na sagot ko sa assignment na binigay mo. Hehe, poetry is not my specialty. I'm more comfortable with stream-of-consciousness narratives and such. Anyway, here goes...Twenty years ago...
I lived with my family in Tacloban City, Leyte, where both of my parents are from. We had moved there the previous year. I attended kindergarten at a state school. I was in the afternoon class, but I was always late because it took me FOREVER to finish eating.
I learned to speak Waray. This helped me make new friends. My parents talked to me and my sisters in English when I was little. I could understand Waray, but I couldn't speak it, so I just talked to my classmates in English and assumed they understood me. Well, that wasn't always the case. A few of my classmates talked to me, but the rest just stared at me like I was an alien or something. I wasn't sure if it was because they were unfriendly or because there was a language barrier.
One day, I mustered enough courage to say something in Waray to one of my classmates. It wasn't too nice. actually told this boy not to be friends with this girl in our class anymore because she "destroyed" the seesaw in the playground. I had heard another classmate say that, and I just repeated what I heard. Haha, malabad na ako, bisan guti-ay pa ako...JOKE =) Anyhow, my classmates felt more comfortable talking to me once they found out I could speak Waray. I was also pretty mischievous at my age. Nakikipagsuntukan ako sa mga lalaki n'un 'pag inaaway nila ako because I knew they wouldn't hit me back.
Fifteen years ago...
I was in Grade 5 and had just transferred to a Catholic school for girls in Quezon City. My family and I had moved back to Manila the previous year, after my dad got a new job. I went to a co-ed school because the all-girls school had no slots for new students then. A month into the new school year, the principal of the all-girls school called to inform my mom that I could take the entrance test at their school because someone had just dropped out. My mom told me about it as soon as I got home that afternoon, assuming that I could easily transfer and adjust to yet another school. I was pretty upset, but she and my dad didn't even care. My mom even got on my case when she saw me crying about it. I thought of screwing up on the entrance test on purpose, but my parents threatened to make me quit school if I didn't make it. So I took the entrance test two days later and passed. It was all so sudden. I didn't even get to say goodbye to my best friend at the co-ed school.
I soon found out that the co-ed school I had attended didn't teach me shit about anything, so I lagged behind at my new school. I got line of 7's for several classes that year, and got spanked for that. I was pretty quiet and had few friends. I made friends with another quiet girl in class, who remains a close friend. I had two other close friends. My teacher told my mom I was so quiet and shy, walang kabuhay-buhay daw. She found it hard to believe that I was noisy at home.
Ten years ago...
I was a junior at the same Catholic all-girls school. Despite their seeming conservatism and strictness, the nuns who ran the school promoted social responsibility. There were community service opportunities for students of different year levels, and I enjoyed participating in these activities.
I was in love with this guy I met the summer before my junior year, and I remember missing him a lot, since he didn't live in Manila (yuck, puppy love!). But since my parents didn't allow me and my sisters to date until we were completely done with school, I didn't have a boyfriend. That was fine by me. I felt happy and complete with my friends. My teachers thought my high school barkada was a bunch of sweet, innocent, and shy girls because we were pretty quiet in class. They didn't know of all the pranks we pulled. =)
Kung maldita ako noong bata ako, santa ako n'ung panahong ito. Simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay. I wanted to teach, preferably at my high school. And even if I knew what it was like to fall in love, I wanted to be a nun more than anything else. I wanted to become a Missionary of Charity after volunteering at their home for the aged in Tayuman. I looked up to Mother Teresa.
On the downside, a good friend of mine died of cancer that year so I went through depression for months. It affected my schoolwork. I wasn't until the following summer that I resolved to move on with my life.
Five years ago...
I was a senior in college. Wild girl na ako n'un. I had a double life. I did well in most of my classes, and I was involved in several organizations--I was the news editor of the school paper (my passion) and a former officer of an organization that did volunteer work at CRIBS Philippines. But behind that facade, I was a rebel. I partied a lot. I used to sneak out and come home early in the morning, and then go to school as if nothing happened. However, at this time five years ago, I had to lie low on my late-night gimmicks because my parents were starting to suspect I was sneaking out and I knew they'd kill me if they caught me in the act. So "gimik-Intsik" (the term my ex used for gimmicks during regular hours) muna ako--meaning I'd do stuff during the day...stuff that my parents didn't necessarily know of, hehe =). I also experimented with some things I'd rather not mention in this blog.
I was a social sciences major, but I took a lot of communications electives because I wanted to go into film or journalism after I graduated college. My immersion in an urban poor community changed all that--even if I got sexually harrassed by a butchokoy from the area. This untoward incident notwithstanding, I realized I still wanted to do social development work. I tried to ignore it at first, but I couldn't lie to my heart.
I was dating someone (gender undefined), but we broke up because we weren't growing. We'd fight over the same things and it was sooo draining. This person also couldn't understand what s/he did to piss me off. We struggled with the same issues but s/he still didn't get it.
Last year...
At this time last year, I had just gotten back from the Philippines. When I wasn't in school or at work, I was moping around in my apartment because I was soooo homesick. I wasn't doing so well financially, so I looked for a second job, even if I was in school full-time, so I could save money and go home for Christmas. I was also freaking out over my thesis because it took so bloody long for me to get approval on my research, since it involved women ex-offenders. I was already in my third year of grad school so I felt so retarded, compared to my classmates.
And I thought I still had a significant other. It turned out he met someone else exactly at this time last year, and cut me out of his life instantly. I didn't find out about it till two months later...through Friendster!
Last night...
I talked to my dear friend, Sr. Dinah. We did some catching up and she shared something that shocked and saddened me at the same time. I can't write about it yet because she told me not to say anything for now. I also read the articles I assigned to my class to figure out a good way of teaching and presenting the material. I swear, I even went over the material in my sleep.
Today...
I taught my class. It wasn't too bad, although I'm still pretty shy and I need to find my groove. I realized how it's such a challenge to budget your time in a 50-minute class. I have to be more conscious of my time. As in.
I called the Native American spiritual center I worked with when I was a research fellow about three years ago because I just found out one of the elders was going back to her reservation SOON. Biglaan daw. I didn't get to talk to her because she had already left. Sayang! I was planning on stopping by pa naman, although I couldn't leave earlier this afternoon because of work. I'll miss her.
I texted my sister to greet her a happy birthday. I also attended the first Friday mass at Holy Name Cathedral. I was late because of the traffic. Oh well. I skipped lunch today, so I ended up getting something to eat and having coffee at Starbucks after mass (my reward for surviving the first week of school). While I was at Starbucks, my friend Elizabeth called me. She's coming to Chicago for the weekend, so it will be nice to see and catch up with her. Mag-a-apply na daw siya sa kumbento. Magiging mongha ang kaibigan ko.
Tomorrow...
I guess I'm gonna clean my apartment, once and for all, because my room looks like a zoo. I should also catch up on school work and preparations for my class.
Next year...
I hope to God I'll be done with my special field exams. I hope and pray I can do my dissertation on the inmates on death row in CIW. After all these years, they're still closest to my heart. Plus, I'd get to go home! I also pray I'd get funding for the remainder of my studies so I don't have to worry about where to get money for my tuition. If I'm fortunate enough to teach, sana matino na akong magturo n'un.
Five or ten years from now...
I have no idea where I'll be. I'm open to going anywhere--Antigua, anywhere in Africa, or back to the Philippines. I could be a researcher, a community worker, a teacher, a missionary (lay or otherwise), what have you. Ayoko lang magsalita nang patapos kasi baka maudlot. But wherever I go and whatever I do, I just want to fulfill what God wants for me. Diyos na bahala sa 'kin. I trust that God's walking with me.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29: 11-13)
And now I tag...
Anyone who wants to do their own version of this. Tigerbarb, Sis, Ate Fay, and Dons, baka trip niyo 'to.
Happy weekend, everyone!
found herself @ 7:43 PM
5 Comments:
"...my high school barkada was a bunch of sweet, innocent, and shy girls..."
kung alam lang talaga nila. bwhahahahahahahahhaha!!!!! :)
hehehe. mahal ko kayo!
Wow, hehehe open book na nga...
tamo dami rin palang tinatagong kapilyahan, but it was nice to reminisce our past and able to connect the dots until where and what we are now...
I learned more about you now, wala ka na maitatago, hahaha...sounds familiar ha? hehehe...
thank you for showing us more of yourself and know that all of us will learn from your experiences just as you have learned from others...
Ang habaaa ng sagot mo, ang tyaga mong magsulat ah. Open book na rin ang lifestory mo, wala ka na ring maitatago sakin. Panalangin ko lang wag sana ako ma-tag nyan...hehe
Hi everyone!
Kadyo: Salamat sa comment. Haha, I can't say I don't have weak moments in terms of my faith. Matigas rin ang ulo ko minsan.
Rina: Talaga, kung alam lang nila...Hehe ;) Mahal ka rin namin.
Dops: Mao gani! Daghang salamat sa compliment. ;)
Teacher Sol: Hehe, mahaba talaga ako magsulat. I was in a reflective mood that day so I just let it all out. Haha, maraming "censored" sa buhay ko. ;)
thanks sa tag! me likey so much :D i get to reminisce too!
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