A Tribute to My Lola
There are times when I still find it hard to believe that you are no longer with us. Whenever I plan my next trip to the Philippines, part of me still expects to see you when I go home to Tacloban. I have to stop and remind myself that you've been dead for four years now. My visits to Tacloban will always be more empty without you.They laid you to rest in Dagami, Leyte, your hometown, exactly four years ago. Being hundreds of thousands of miles away, I could only weep bitterly, as I told my sisters to throw flowers in your grave for me. At that time, I was staying with distant relatives in Virginia, while looking for work (per my mom's orders) and applying to graduate school. Since the United States was reeling from the September 11 attacks and immigration policies were as strict as they could get, I was advised to stay here for the time being. I was stuck here when you succumbed to pneumonia on October 28, 2001. My relatives warned me about how hard it would be for me to come back here, if I were to return home for your funeral. Mama even told me that even if I decided to go home at the last minute, she couldn't promise that I would make it in time for your burial because they wanted to lay you to rest on All Saints' Day.
I never forgave myself for my failure to attend your wake and burial. But what bothered me even more was my being here, in the first place. I left for the United States about two months before you passed away, pretty much on spur of the moment--that is, because Mama assumed that it was the perfect time for me to try and find work here, what with the expiration of my contract at my first job. If it were up to me, I would have just gone home to Tacloban after my contract expired, so I could spend more time with you and help take care of you. But fate intervened, and so I ended up here.
In retrospect, I recognize that I was indeed meant to be here at the time of your demise. And I know you, of all people, understand why it was better for me to be here then. The year 2001 marked the tail end of one of the most turbulent periods in my life, and my parents and sisters found out about all my escapades and shenanigans less than two weeks after you passed away. Had I been home at that time, Papa would have beaten me up, what with everything he found out about me. I know you wouldn't have wanted that to happen. Your concern for me was insurmountable. I trust that you understand why it was better for me to be here when all my dark secrets were exposed. I'm sure you're happy now that everything is settled and I'm on better terms with my parents.
I miss you. I dreamt of you in early October, and you looked so young and rosy--the way you looked before you fell and broke your hip. I called your name, and you smiled at me, motioning for me to keep quiet because I was the only one who could see you. I feel your presence from time to time. Once, I sensed that you were hovering around me while I was photocopying test papers, and I knew you were praying for me that very moment. Whenever I stay in the office till late at night and I need to go for a bathroom break, I can smell your powder in the restroom. When I got home from church on the day of your fourth death anniversary, I smelled your powder in the kitchen. I know you're happy where you are because you're with God, free from bedsores, heartaches, and all the hardships you endured in your lifetime. And I know we'll see each other again, in God's time. In the meantime, I just have to be contented with the instances when I feel your presence. I also take comfort knowing that I inherited not only your physical features (such as your slightly heart-shaped face and your small hands and feet), but also your disposition and inclinations (like your passion for teaching...and even your attitude when it comes to love). For I know a part of you will always be with me. But I still miss you.
Rest in peace, Lola. I love you.
found herself @ 8:40 PM
16 Comments:
Diane, this is very touching. :-) I'm sure your Lola is so proud of you. God bless!
so touching Di... your post conveyed all the love you have for your lola.
Hi Di, tulo luha ko!
Naalala ko tuloy si mama ko :( tama ka Di masaya sila ngayon.
Off topic;
Hala ka, sori medyo nahuli kitang nadalaw hehehe pero never kitang malimutan. Tke ano yong sabi ni mareng rquel dala ka raw ng tinabal? huh! ayaw ha! kay baho na kaayo hahahha sige jud ka, dili jud ka pasakyon sa eroplano hehehhe
igna nalang si raquel na maghimo nalang sya ug tinabal diha sa ilaha, tagaan mo sya ng asin hahhaha
cge ingatz lagi jan. love ya muaaahhhh
napa iyak naman ako :(
I'm sure proud na proud sayo lola mo.
God bless!
sorry off topic: na unahan na naman ako ni manang Ethel? hehehheeh
how sweet of you...
na-touch ako.
hindi ako naging gaanong close sa mga lola ko pero kapag napalayo pala ang isang tao, doon nadarama kung gaano sila kahalaga. miss ko na rin pati pagpukpuk ng bakya ...sa pintuan lang naman!
einen schönen tag noch (have a good day)!
i was not that close to my maternal grandma when she was still alive. i was not close at all at my paternal grandma until recently, but i guess it made me realize that she's all i have and i'm kind of making up for the lost times i should've shared with my other lola before she passed on. kahit na she's been gone for 11 yrs now, i still miss her.
i'm sure your lola is proud of you. take care.
If you love her, she's never really gone. It sounds like some dumb movie line, but it's probably true.
Hello everyone! Thank you for your words of comfort.
Nikki: I'm glad you liked this post. Hehe, as I mentioned earlier, muntikan ko nang hindi ituloy ang post na ito. I get really emotional whenever I talk or write about my Lola. Thank you for your comment. God bless you too.
Darlene: Thank you. I have to admit I wasn't the best apo and I was never really expressive toward my Lola when she was still alive. This post is the least I could do.
Nang Ethel: Uy pasensya ka na, naiyak ka tuloy sa post ko. *HUGS* Oo nga, masaya ngayon 'yung lola ko at mama mo dahil nasa Diyos na sila.
Off-topic din ito: No problem. Buti naman naayos na ang computer mo kasi na-miss kita habang wala ka. Salamat naman at naalala mo ako...haha, drama. Ang thoughtful mo talaga, as in! Don't worry, after you told me what "tinabal" means, hindi talaga ako magdadala n'un. Hmmm...paano ba magpadala ng asin para kay Raquel? (Raquel, peace tayo!) Ingat ka rin lagi. Luv you rin! *Mwah!*
Ghie: Uy sorry pati ikaw naiyak. Na-touch naman ako sa sinabi mo. God bless rin!
P.S. Don't worry, second honorable mention ka naman.
i.n.: Thanks, friend! See you soon!
Bakya ni Neneng: Salamat po sa comment niyo. Tama kayo, kung kelan napalayo ang isang tao, saka mo lang malalaman kung gaano pala sila ka-importante sa buhay mo.
Karen: Thanks for dropping by and for your insightful comment. Ako naman, I was closer to my paternal grandmother (the subject of this post) because I was one of her "favorite" grandchildren daw, but I wasn't that close to my maternal grandmother. About your making up for lost time, I'm right with you on that one. That's what I'm doing now because my grandparents on my mom's side are all I have. I'm more conscious about spending time with them whenever I go home and I do my best to write them kasi yun lang hiling nila. Hehe napakuwento tuloy ako. You take care, too!
Gyrobo: No, you're right. Those we love are never really gone. They live on in our hearts. Thanks for dropping by. Come back!
its a good thing you have a very good relationship with your granny. i haven't forgiven my paternal grandmother for how she treated me. i know i should, she's been dead for 13yrs now. well, i just hope that she treated me better that way i could have better memories of her.
Hi Di, Happy weekend! sori dito na ako mag post hehhe
Ay! tinanong mo ako anong gusto ko from pinas, ayoko sa tinabal ano nalang sa aking yong kusahos kahit anong klaseng kusahos hahhhaa
Aw, pag di mo alam yang kusahos tanong mo na rin si Rqg, o Ghie, o manoy DOps, im sure lam nila ano yong gusto ko from pinas.
cge ingatz lagi jan. muaaahhh
you are lucky you were able to enjoy your Lola until you grew up. I was unfortunate to have lost grandparents on boths sides early, the last of which was my Lola when I was 9 so I did not get to enjoy being doted on by grandparents. Sayang, they can really spoil you rotten daw.
Amgine: I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Take care.
Nang Ethel: Hope you enjoyed your weekend! Sorry di ako nakapag-iwan ng message sa tagboard mo kasi umalis ako n'ung Friday and I had rush because I didn't want to miss my train. Tinanong ko na kay Ghie kung anong meaning ng kusahos. Ingat ka rin lagi! *Mwah!*
Patrice: Sorry to hear that. Hehe, you're right--grandparents do have the potential to spoil their grandkids rotten. Ingat!
laki din ako sa lola...miss na miss ko na siya pero nasa kabilang buhay na rin siya...
J: Di ka nag-iisa. I'm sure binabantayan at pinagdadasal tayo ng mga lola natin. Ingat!
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