Sexy, Innocent Child-Woman

Letters from Prison (Part 2): Ate L

(NOTE: This is a long entry! For a background of this post, click on this.)

I remember the first time I saw her around. It was a humid Sunday afternoon in mid-January of 2005--one of my last visits to CIW before I returned to the States. I was sitting on one of the monobloc chairs beside the stage at the multi-purpose hall, chatting with several inmates whom I had gotten close to. Ate L and two other inmates gathered around the stage to take turns doing karaoke. (CIW has a videoke machine that can only be used on Sundays. Most of the inmates' visitors arrive on Sundays.) Bic Runga's hit single, "Sway," was playing. Ate L and her companions liked the song so much that they jostled for the microphone playfully, until they decided that Ate L would sing the first stanza of the song.

As I watched her sing, I noticed how young Ate L looked. She couldn't have been no more than 24 or 25 years old. She was (and still is) really pretty, with her shoulder-length, brownish-black hair, hazel eyes, fair skin, and tall, slender figure. Even with her loose tangerine shirt and white pedal-pushers (per the dress code of inmates without special positions or duties), she looked like an ordinary lady relaxing and enjoying herself on a Sunday afternoon, instead of doing time in...well, the penitentiary. Her reserved, light-hearted disposition made me wonder what she was doing in prison. Was she in there for a drug-related offense, like numerous other women detained in CIW? Or was she falsely accused and/or implicated in a crime committed by her husband or partner?

I received the answer to my questions a year later, when I went home to the Philippines during Christmas break. I never thought that would happen. For when I visited CIW, most of my encounters with Ate L were casual or fleeting. Since she is friends with Ate J (one of my friends on death row) and her dorm is right beside the death row dormitory, we often bumped into each other; we simply smiled at each other without saying a word. The first time I talked to her was when I went to CIW with my nun-friends two days after I had stayed the night on death row. After my "sleepover," I didn't go home till 4:30PM, so Ate L was amused to see me back in prison less than 18 hours later. "Umuwi ka ba kahapon?" she quipped before rushing to greet one of the nuns.

When I visited CIW again four days later , I ran into Ate L just as I was about to leave. She was sitting beside her dormmate, Nanay M, an elderly inmate whom I frequently ate lunch with (she is good friends with my friend Mommy P and my other friends on death row, so they always eat together and insist that I join them whenever I'm around). After I kissed Nanay M goodbye, I gave Ate L a kiss on the cheek. Ate L would later tell me that this, for her, marked the beginning of our friendship.

I only got to talk to Ate L during my last visit to CIW before I came back here. She and Ate J were sitting on the ledge across the area where we had lunch, puffing their thoughts away, so I joined them after I finished eating. As fate would have it, Ate L revealed a lot about herself during our conversation. It turned out she was 27 years old and married, with three children aged three to six years old (they currently live with her mother-in-law). She was in her third year of college when she and her husband caught a case.

Normally, I don't ask the inmates what they're in prison for, unless they broach the subject. But since Ate L brought up the issue, I mustered enough courage to ask her: "Anong kaso niyo, Ate?"

"Homicide," she replied. I guess she noticed the quizzical expression on my face (which I tried to hide, much to no avail). She elbowed Ate J and gestured toward me, amused at my disbelief: "Tingnan mo 'to." Then Ate L proceeded to explain what had happened to her. I could only listen to her.

"Ni-rape kasi ako." She said this nonchalantly, but the pain in her eyes was evident. Ate L was raped several times by a man who lived in her boarding house (kamag-anak ng may-ari). Her husband killed the man who raped her two weeks later. Because of the time that had elapsed, the police ruled out possible extenuating circumstances, like self-defense. Since Ate L was in the same room in her boarding house when her husband killed her rapist, the police assumed that she was equally liable. Both of them were sentenced to prison for two to six years (her husband is currently detained in Bilibid). Ate L remarked: "Buti na lang homicide ang naging kaso namin, at hindi murder." Had they been charged with the latter, they would have gotten the maximum penalty.

Ate L has been in prison for two years, thus far. She hopes to be released soon. She told me she was interviewed by a parole officer two months ago. She admitted that a relative had to negotiate on her behalf for this to happen (go figure). I find her situation so ironic. Here she is, a rape victim incarcerated for an action carried out in retaliation for a crime against her person. It's not her fault that she was raped! In the end, someone still has to "negotiate" so she can be released sooner than later.

I pray for her early release and for her successful and safe reentry into free society. I know she's not a bad person, and I witnessed that for myself. After our heart-to-heart talk, we hung out for the rest of the afternoon. We shared jokes, cigarettes, and merienda. She asked for my address here and promised to write me right after I left so I would have something to look forward to as soon as I got back here, and I wouldn't feel so lonely (and she kept her word). She even gave me a foot spa right before I left CIW. As she knelt down to wash my feet, I could have sworn I saw Jesus Christ Himself.

Ate L has so many plans in life, for herself and for her children. I know she'll encounter so many challenges after her release from prison. But I continue to hope all her dreams come true.


Here is her letter (to protect her privacy, I omitted revealing information about her):


Hi Diane,

How are u doin now? It's already been 2 days since you left and I don't know how many days it will take for this letter to reach you. For sure at the moment you're home already and resting. That was a long trip, wasn't it?

I never thought we could be friends. Whenever I see you, I want to smile at you but I'm kinda shy sometimes. Until that moment when you came and you kissed me to greet me, and it is when it just started. Sayang kasi, it was your last day na nung nagkakwentuhan tayo. Pero I know marami pang panahon na puwede kitang makasama and I want our friendship to grow. I'm so blessed to have you as my friend.

Di, pls. always pray for us na sana makalabas na kami. Alam mo I wrote another set of goals last New Year. And I want to fulfill those goals as soon na makalaya ako. Gusto kong matapos ang pag-aaral ko, and I still have 3 semesters left. Then magte-take ako ng licensure exam. Actually, there are ten sets of exams, each has its own topic kung saan dun nila ibe-base ang expertise mo. Puwedeng di mo sabay-sabayin ang pagkuha ng test, but you need to finish those 10 before na maibigay nila yung license mo kung nakapasa ka. Pero sabi ko sa papa ko kung kaya ko rin lang na pagsabayin ang pag-aaral at pagtatrabaho ay gagawin ko. Dati ako sa ______ nagtatrabaho at okay lang sa mga managers and supervisors ko na bumalik ako dun. Kaya lang parang ayoko na rin, mas gusto kong mag-apply ngayon as a medical transcriptionist. Kahit nasa bahay, as long as you have your own computer with internet access, puwede mong ituloy ang trabaho mo. No need for overtime, and I'll be able to earn as much as PhP 20,000 a month. Alam ko na I can do both at the same time, hard worker naman ako eh.

The next step kung makapasa ako sa licensure exam ay mag-a-apply na ako sa _____. Specifically sa _____ kasi walang gender discrimination. Kahit female ka as long as you're qualified, they will hire you. Sa latter part na siguro yung plano ko na mag-[name of her dream job], yun ay kung papalarin pa ako kasi for sure over 30 na ako pag naka-grad ako, siyempre maghahanap pa ako ng experience. Kahit noon pa yun talaga ang dream ko...Grabe ang taas ng pangarap ko! Kung hanggang saan lang ang ma-fulfill ko okay lang sa akin, but I'd really do my best to reach these dreams for me and for my kids.

Di, kung makapunta dito si [name of her friend] next week mag-send ako ng e-mail sa'yo. Baka mauna pa yung e-mail kesa dito sa letter ko. Sana you could have time to write back.

Can I ask you a favor, if you won't mind? Can you please surf on the website and send me some copies of information or some manuscripts about [her field of study]? Kahit kay [name of her friend] mo na lang i-send para kahit papaano makapag-refresh na rin ako. If you're too busy, ok lang, don't bother!

Di, always take care of yourself! I'll always pray for you! Thanks for coming into my life! God Bless You!

MISS U!

found herself @ 7:30 PM