Sexy, Innocent Child-Woman

Back to reality

I just parted ways with my Groovy Sisters (a term coined by my discernment buddy, Susan Rose) a few hours ago. I was supposed to go home last night, but I ended up staying with them for one more night. And although I had planned on visiting only two of their communities--that is, their postulancy center and their novitiate/student's community--for different activities, I ended up visiting all their communities in the Chicagoland region over the weekend. Sr. R and Sr. L had to go to the main convent yesterday to visit an elderly sister who is currently in a critical condition due to brain cancer (she could go anytime). I tagged along with them. And last night, after the get-together at the novitiate, Sr. D suddenly invited me to stay the night at their house, which is close to downtown Chicago. It was totally on spur of the moment. She had driven me home and we were outside my apartment building, waiting for the rain to subside before I got out of her car. She suddenly asked me if I wanted to visit their place para tuloy ang kuwentuhan namin and suggested that I sleep over. I accepted her invitation, since I had to go downtown this morning to run some errands, anyway.

So my weekend turned into one big reunion with my Groovy Sisters. And everything worked out perfectly. I actually accomplished a lot of things yesterday. When I was at the motherhouse, I was able to meet and/or visit several elderly and/or sickly nuns, including the former teacher of one of my nun-friends in the Philippines (so tapos ko na ang assignment ko). I also got to visit and catch up with Sr. LH, an 80-something nun who once lived in the novitiate (which is close to my apartment), but moved to the main convent upon her retirement. That was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sr. LH and I have this unexplainable bond between us. I don't tell her all my deep, dark secrets (ibang madre ang nakakaalam n'un, haha), but there's no mistaking the closeness we share. She's always been supportive of my studies and my volunteer work, and she never fails to encourage me simply by saying, "God bless you," or "God bless your work." It turned out she'd been looking for me for the longest time. She actually planned to attend the gathering at the novitiate yesterday afternoon just so she could see me. She was already there on March 10th, but she had to go back to the main convent after she heard the news about the terminally ill sister. She was worried that we would miss each other again, so she was so happy when I showed up at the convent. When I found out about that, sobrang nakonsiyensya ako.

I used to visit my nun-friends a lot (at least twice a month), but I decided to lie low last year after one of the sisters started to pressure me to enter the convent here sooner than later. It wasn't my first misunderstanding with anyone from their order, and it wouldn't be the last one, either (as my last vacation in the Philippines attests to). At any rate medyo tinopak ako kaya "nagtago" muna ako sa mga madre. (Ang bad ko noh?) I took my struggles out on them in so many ways. By the time I came to my senses, they were pretty busy and we couldn't really find time to get together. I know Sr. LH was affected by my sudden "disappearance." She didn't know what was going on with me, but she always wondered why I didn't visit them or keep in touch with them as much as I used to.

Last night, I looked back and reflected on the struggles I went through in terms of my life direction and my relationship with certain sisters. Even the spur-of-the-moment sleepover at my nun-friends' house was a blessing in and of itself because I got to talk things over with Sr. D, my most trusted nun-friend. Our sharing helped me put things in perspective. I totally admit my faults and I'm willing to take responsibility for my actions. I'm just sorry my actions affected people like Sr. LH, who had nothing to do with my struggles or my rifts with the other nuns. I need to face my issues squarely. Regardless of the decision/s I make in life, I won't let things get in the way of my relationship with the nuns.


While I was looking at the bulletin board in the motherhouse yesterday, I came across a list of women who the sisters have been in touch with (some of them are discerning the religious life). Sr. MW, a retired sister, suddenly came up to me and said: "I've been praying for everyone on the list. And I pray extra hard for some of them." She gave me a knowing look and smiled. "I've been praying for you extra hard," she continued, without skipping a beat. "I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you that extra push."

"Lord knows I was pretty scared during my time," she recalled. "I didn't know what I was thinking, but I kept on. The Spirit gave me the push I needed. I pray that you'll be given the courage you need."

I was so speechless. I just smiled and gave her a hug. Before we parted ways, she told me she would see me around.

What can I say? Makulit ang Diyos.

found herself @ 12:35 PM