"Sobra pa sa madre"
Well, I didn't push through with my trip to Tarlac last week. There was a typhoon in the area the day I arrived from Singapore. The training session for Aeta community leaders, which I was supposed to observe, had been cancelled on account of the weather, so I knew I wouldn't see my friends. I also knew I'd have a hard time making the trip to Kalangitan, and I didn't want to go through the same setbacks I faced during my last trip to Tarlac. That's why I decided to just go back to Manila.Everything worked out, though. I didn't get to see my Aeta brothers and sisters this past week, but I got to visit my sisters in prison twice. When I went to CIW on July 26th, I thought I'd just stay in the visiting area again, since it was a weekday. I was prepared to see only a few friends, like Ate S, Mommy P, Ate V, and anyone else who was brave enough to drop by the visiting area for a few minutes. But Mommy P asked two of the guards if I could go inside the prison compound, and they said yes. So I was able to see all my friends in Isolation (what they call the former death row). Siyempre, masaya kaming lahat (Of course, we were all happy). I hadn't seen most of them for two weeks, due to the change in visitation policies, and I missed them terribly. It turned out they felt equally frustrated that I could no longer enter the prison on weekdays, even if the guards and inmates alike know that I visit everyone in Isolation.
I brought chocolates for all my friends. After Ate MB, Ate S, and I finished distributing the goodies, Ate JH asked everyone in the dorm: "What will you say, children?" All the inmates chorused: "Thank you!" We all cracked up. Ang kulit rin nila. (They're so goofy and playful, too.)
I visited CIW again today--this time, with Sr. J, my new nun-friend. I only met her the other day. It turned out that she wanted to visit CIW, so she tagged along with me today. Surprisingly, she didn't mind eating there and staying there for the entire afternoon (the other nuns usually just go there for Mass and leave before lunchtime). And she bonded with my friends in Isolation. We have a little secret that will remain in the dorm, haha :)
I plan on visiting CIW again on Tuesday. God willing, Ate G's mom (who is flying in from Davao) will also be around then. Ate G hasn't seen her mother for nine years, so she's really looking forward to the visit. She asked me if I could drop by so I can meet her mom. I'll be happy to do that.
Whenever I visit my sisters in prison, I can see that they enjoy having me around. If they're happy, even if it's just for a few hours, then I'm happy, too. I can't believe I've journeyed with them for five years now. Despite my unworthiness, God chose me to do this kind of work.
What does the title of this post have to do with anything? Well, Sr. J described me as such this afternoon. Sobra pa daw ako sa madre (I'm more than a sister). I cross boundaries that nuns tend to be conscious of (especially in this country, I suppose). She said the nuns couldn't do the things I do, like stay the night in a prison cell, because their primary commitment is to their communities. To be honest, I never saw myself--or the religious life--in that light, at least until we had that conversation.
Shortly before we left CIW, Sr. J added: "Kung papasok ka, ito ang kailangan mong i-let go (If you enter the religious life, this [my ministry in CIW] is what you'll need to let go of.)"
"I know," I replied. "'Yun ang dini-discern ko (That's what I'm discerning)."
I found Sr. J's words both touching and thought-provoking. Tonight, I will continue to reflect on our conversation and its message for me. Kung sobra pa ako sa madre dahil sa ginagawa ko sa CIW (if I'm more than a sister given what I do in CIW), what does that mean for me...and for the people who have become such a part of me?
I wonder if my questions about my life direction have just been answered. And I wonder if I need to let go of anything--or anyone--at all.
found herself @ 11:08 PM
16 Comments:
Why would you have to leave God's work in order to do God's will? While it's true you may have to have distance from it for a while, such as during formation, I don't think it can be said for certain that you'd have to leave it completely...
I respect so much what you're doing for the women in CIW! Everything you do for a cause... wow! I pray to God you continue doing what you do and may your tribe multiply. I do wish I can do something worthy as well.
hmm, that will be too hard Dianne. But if letting go of what you used to will give an answer to your life, go and decide. Prayers will help alot.
I'll pray for you.
Hi Di...sigh..too bad na di ako nakasama..
i really wanted to meet your friends,
and experience to be with them even in just a day...
anyway,we still have timme..hopefully,sa susunod mmakarating na ko(kung hindi ka nagttampo :) )
ingat nna lang Di..miss yah!
Ingat ka lagi....ang saya siguro nila sa jail dahil may isang tao na nagbibigay ng importance sa kanila na tulad mo.
u'r a great person.. u touches many lives...
take care always...
sundin mo ang nasa puso mo! kung saan ka talaga makakatulong, doon ka :)
ang bait mo nga Di,!
Hhmm basta sundin mo ang nasa puso mo ok? ikaw naman ang mag decide eh!
God Bless...
miz yah!
Lisa: It's a long story. I'll just e-mail you about it.
You have a point, though. I'm just walking by faith, even if it's not easy. Thanks for your concern!
Sasha: Thank you for your support! :)
Lahat naman tayo, may kanya-kanyang gifts, talents, at calling sa buhay. Nagkataon lang na gift sa akin ng Diyos ang pagpunta ko sa CIW at ang pakikisalamuha ko sa mga inmates doon. I'm just sharing this gift with others while I'm here in the Philippines. It's not easy, and there are times when my patience is tested, but God's grace keeps me going.
I'm sure you do worthy things in your own ways. Just follow your heart and do what makes you happy.
Ingat! Salamat ulit!
Mommy Lei: Waaah...oo nga :( Hay...I've been struggling with this issue for the past couple of years. I just never blogged about it before.
Salamat sa dasal. Please continue to remember me in your prayers.
Ingat po!
Ate Ghee: Oo nga. Sayang, di ka nakasama sa amin. Oh well.
Di ako nagtatampo noh! At least napaaga kami ng kasama kong madre. Naiwasan namin ang mahabang pila.
Ingat rin! Keep in touch!
Mommy Ann: Aww...masaya rin po ako dahil naging bahagi sila ng buhay ko. Nakahanap ako ng totoong kaibigan sa kanila. At pag nandito ako, madalas akong tumakbo sa kanila.
Ingat rin po kayo lagi!
Kneeko: Thank you po! :) Touched naman ako, kahit ang layo ng Saudi sa Pinas. *wink*
Lahat naman tayo, may nata-touch na buhay, hehe :)
You take care, too!
Mommy Neng: Opo! Eto, pinakikiramdaman ko muna ang puso ko.
Ingat po!
Nang Ethel: Thanks!
Yup, I'll follow my heart. I still have time before I make my decision naman.
Ingat! God bless you. Miss you too!
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