Sexy, Innocent Child-Woman

A Long Overdue Post

I don't know if anyone still reads this blog, but just in case you're wondering why I haven't updated it, it's because I moved to a new blog almost two years ago.

Check out my new home in cyberspace. I don't blog as much as I used to, though. As the song goes, life keeps getting in the way.

Blessed Easter to everyone!

Labels: updates

found herself @ 2:25 AM 0 comments

Greetings from New York!

Well, I'm back in my getaway. It's my fall break and I wanted to get away from my toxic life in Chicago, so I decided to come here again. I arrived here on Friday night. I'm going back to Chicago on Wednesday morning.

I've been here for three days, but I haven't been to the city yet. I was supposed to go there with my cousins on Saturday, but I ended up accompanying my auntie and uncle to the street fair in their area in the afternoon. My cousins and I thought of going to the city in the evening, but they got a little lazy, so we ended up hanging out at New Rochelle. And today, I just hung out and chatted with my auntie in the morning (after we got home from church), and visited the Maryknoll Sisters in Ossining in the afternoon. Tonight, my auntie and I just watched a movie and talked our heads off till 1AM. I had fun, though.

I plan on going to the city tomorrow--I mean, later--to make up for lost time. My auntie told me, basta umuwi lang daw ako. So I can do whatever I want. Hope I enjoy the rest of my stay here.

Honest to God, sometimes, I think I should move here. I've been thinking about it for a while, and the thought of moving here just crossed my mind again. If I were to stay here longer, I might consider doing that.

found herself @ 2:18 AM 2 comments

I'm sleepy...

I'm running on less than five hours of sleep...but it's all good. I helped my good friend, Sr. Beena, pack her things last night. She's on her way back to India (where she's from) as I write this. She lived in the States for five years; of course she had a lot of stuff. None of the sisters in her community could help her pack last night because they were either busy with various commitments or incapable of strenuous work. I was happy to help out, since I know I can pack pretty well (palibhasa layas, hehe). We didn't get done till 12:30AM. Okay lang...nag-bonding rin kami while packing. And it wasn't hard to pack for her at all--which is more than what I can say for a certain nun for whom I did some packing last year. I slept over at the convent of my Groovy Sisters last night, woke up at 6:00AM, heard mass with the sisters at 7:00AM, and left for work shortly after breakfast (Sr. Beena drove me to my apartment so I could change and get some stuff that she could use for her trip. Then she took me to the train station. Isn't that sweet? Ginawa ko siyang driver...bad!) I got off work early and went straight to the convent so I could tag along with the other sisters and Sr. Beena's other close friends in bringing her to the airport.

Sigh. I miss Sr. Beena already. I didn't cry when I said goodbye to her, but I was really sad to see her leave. I got so used to having her around for the past four years. We didn't have a lot of opportunities to go out or talk privately, but somehow, we share this bond, and I treasure all the times I spent with her. My life here feels so strange now without her. It felt so strange not to see her around when I had dinner with the sisters tonight. Anyway, I'm happy for her. Five years is a LONG time to be away from home. I'm really happy she'll be with her loved ones again.

Funny, when I said goodbye to her, the last words she said to me were: "If you join [the congregation], let me know."

What did I say in reply? I'll let you guess that part. :-)

I miss you, Sister Beena! Hope to see you again, whenever and wherever that will be. God bless you on your journey! And God bless your new ministry.


Create Your Own!


Gosh, sa sobrang antok ko, I kinda spaced out on Sr. Dinah, my other close nun-friend, while we were talking tonight. Oops! I really need to get some sleep. Papagalitan ako ng ibang madre if they find out puyat na naman ako. Good night.

found herself @ 10:44 PM 8 comments

Just brooding...

found herself @ 8:47 PM 2 comments

I'm so bad...

I have a confession to make: When I was home, I did something to hurt Mama C, my nanay-nanayan (surrogate mom) in CIW. It was a very stupid mistake on my part. I tried to keep it hidden, but she found out about it very recently. I guess nothing really stays hidden, period--what you do in the dark will come to the light, at some point. So she's really mad at me. I felt her anger, hurt, frustration, and pain in her letter. I don't blame her. I hurt her so much. I admit my faults, and now I have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

If I had wings, I would fly home right now to let her know that I'm really sorry for hurting her and that I never meant to make her cry and cause her so much pain. I'd tell her I love her so much--even if I made really bad decisions that hurt her.

She may be a faceless prisoner in the eyes of other people...but she means the world to me. She's a close friend, an older sister, a mother-figure, and a confidante all rolled into one. I'm only sorry I didn't value our relationship as much as she did. I was really precious to her. But I took her love for granted and did something to hurt her. Because of a single, stupid mistake on my part, our relationship is hanging in the balance.

Now she wants to let go of me, even if it's painful for her. She ended her letter by saying: "It's hard to let go of someone who touched my life. But it hurts me more to let go of someone who was never mine yet changed my life the most."

Ouch!!!

I'm so bad. I feel so low right now. God help me.

found herself @ 9:55 AM 10 comments

Wanted: Roommate

My roommate and I finally got to talk about our issues yesterday. She didn't get to read my "loveletter" till Wednesday the 13th, and of course, she was rather upset. She said I could have just knocked on her door and told her that we needed to talk. I told her I didn't know what else to do at that time because she's always out, and when she's home, she always has company--her boyfriend or her friends, so I felt it would be rude to interrupt her. But I did apologize for leaving her a note.

So we talked about all our issues--everything from bills to house rules to her boyfriend's sleepovers. Wala kaming sama ng loob sa isa't isa. But we also realized that it might be in our best interests if we live separately. She knows I'm not comfortable with her letting her boyfriend sleep over. She's willing to keep her boyfriend's sleepovers to a minimum (like when they have early-morning exams at the campus near the apartment), but she's not comfortable with that, either. She told me she no longer feels comfortable living here because she can't have her boyfriend sleep over that much. Ayaw nilang mag-live in, pero gusto niyang matulog lagi dito 'yung lalaki. Ano ba 'yun? Hay...I guess we just come from such different backgrounds. So it's better for us to find other roommates.

She initially told me that she has a friend who lives in a one-bedroom apartment across the street, and that her friend suggested we swap leases. Okay sana, but there's no way I can afford living in a one bedroom apartment. And besides, moving is a bitch. I don't see the point of moving out at this point, since I'll just be here for 10 more months. (And I lived in this apartment first...hello! Konting respeto!) So we later agreed that she'd be the one to move out if we find someone to take her place. There are several places she can stay in, anyway. And if we can't find anyone else to take her place, we just have to put up with each other till July 2007.

So now I have to find someone who is willing to be my roommate-- hopefully, someone who wouldn't let her significant other sleep over. Good luck to me!

found herself @ 9:04 AM 14 comments

On missing people and other random thoughts

Hay naku, miss ko na talaga kayo, as in!!!

Ang tagal pa ng December. =(

(Pasensya na, bratinella mode ang beauty ko ngayon.)

***

Happy Birthday, Ate Sharl!!!

Well, September 11 pa lang dito pero September 12 na diyan sa Pinas. Siyempre di ko matiis na di ka i-greet dito kahit hindi mo siguro mababasa ang post na ito.

I'll call you later. Miss you, kapatid.

***

It's been five years since the September 11 terrorist attacks that changed the world. And the Iraq War and other US policies have made the world less safe and more restrictive since then.

As German Chancellor Angela Merkel asserted, respect for human rights and other cultures must prevail alongside international cooperation in the fight against international terror.

***

Thank you, God, for letting me have a great class today. May my classes tomorrow go smoothly as well. Thank you po ulit. Amen.

found herself @ 8:15 PM 11 comments

Mixed feelings

It's been five days since I got back, and I hit the ground running, as usual. In some ways, I feel like I never left, even if I was away for two months. I guess I've gotten used to living in two worlds. I can slip in and out of my Pinoy world and/or American world as needed. I enjoyed every minute of my stay in the Philippines, the disappointments I encountered notwithstanding. Now everything's becoming a blur...which I'm not too happy about. I want all the memories of my trip to burn in my soul. I have a lot of things to treasure and ponder in my heart (a la Mama Mary).

I'm going through several transitions right now--new teaching assignments, new research fellowship, new roommate...the list goes on and on. God help me. It doesn't help that most of my close friends here haved moved away. I've made new friends, but my life in Chicago is kinda strange--and lonely--without the people I used to count on.

So my reentry this year is a mixed bag. I have a lot to be thankful for. My research fellowship is going well, and my supervisor likes my work thus far. Of course, having free tuition this year means a lot. And my teaching jobs aren't as demanding (hopefully) as my previous teaching loads. I'm also inspired to study hard nowadays because I got official approval to conduct my research in CIW--something I'd been praying so hard for.

But I'm also stressed out over several things at the moment. I'm having issues with my current roommate because:

• She's rather messy. She leaves her shoes in the kitchen, and her DVDs and bookbag on the dining table. She also leaves her electric fans and laptop on all the time, even when she's out (which is most of the time).
  
• Her boyfriend sleeps over sometimes. The other day, after I bumped into him in the kitchen at around 5AM, the dude had the nerve to inform me that he would be staying over twice a week, when he has early-morning classes, since the apartment is pretty close to campus. My roommate didn't even let me know what was going on. And take note: neither my roommate nor her boyfriend even cared to ask me if I'd mind such a setup. It's not like the dude doesn't have a freakin' UPass, so he can commute to campus for free. Had I known this would happen, I would have picked a different roommate or just moved to a studio.
• I just found out she took/used some of my stuff without my permission very recently. I heard her leave for a gimik with her friends last night. This morning, I found my beaded Mangyan bracelet and my comb lying around by the sink. I usually keep these in the cabinet in the bathroom. Wtf??? That's the last straw! I just left that biatch a note and I hope she gets my message.
  

I'm also having problems with my laptop. I have a freakin' backdoor Trojan that can't be removed. I think the virus messed up my operating system big time.

To top it off, I'm missing someone terribly right now. I never thought our paths would cross, but thank God we're part of each other's lives. I never thought we'd become close, but thank God our friendship blossomed in such a short time. Now, we're worlds apart and even if we'll see each other in three months, it won't be long before we'll have to part ways again. All I can do is wait and trust that God will work wonders for us...

found herself @ 11:30 AM 10 comments