My Blog is Reborn
Oh my God. It has been 18 years since I last posted on this blog. My new blog was deactivated in 2008 for personal reasons, and I just stopped posting here. I thought this blog already got deleted, but it’s still alive, and maybe it is still around for a reason.
It has been nearly two decades since my last post, so a lot has changes, obviously. Let me share some random things/ updates to my previous posts:
- I was in my mid- to late 20s when I blogged on this site. I am in my mid-40s now. I just turned 46 a little over a month ago.
- I now have a Ph.D. I was struggling to finish it during the years that I blogged here.
- My dissertation is the first sociological study on women formerly on death row in the Philippines.
- I moved back to the Philippines to do fieldwork for my dissertation, then moved back to the States to finish my Ph.D. I ended up moving to Buffalo, New York, during my last two years in the United States, then lived briefly with relatives in Bronxville, New York, after my graduation. I then moved back to the Philippines, and I have been here for the past 13 years.
- I still visit Chicago and New York whenever I can.
- I did not enter the convent, but I am still in touch with most of the sisters. Sometimes, they tease me about becoming a sister or being a perpetual aspirant or novice.
- Sometimes, I get mistaken for a nun or ex-nun. Kaloka.
- I still do prison ministry, but not as frequently as I did when I was in my 20s and my 30s. Anyhow, I will soon be celebrating 25 years of prison ministry.
- I have branched out to aftercare ministry. Most of my alagas among the women formerly on death row and my other alagas who were once persons deprived of liberty (PDL) have been released over the past few years.
- I continued supporting my alaga at Montaña de Luz in Honduras for a time. She has since transitioned out and lives with her relatives. I am in touch with the former house parent. I wish I could go back.
- I have visited and done research at conflict and post-conflict zones in the Philippines. I learned a bit of Tausug along the way. I know some Maranao words, as well. 😊
- I also do interfaith ministry. I am friends with the Muslim community and have learned their prayers.
- I often get mistaken for a Muslim and/or Mindanawon (person from Mindanao).
- I am involved with Palestinian refugees in the Philippines. Free, free Palestine 🇵🇸
- I am the chair of my department. Lord have mercy 🙏🏻🤲🏻
- I taught theology on the side for six years and hope to do so again.
- I am a reservist with the navy 💪🫡
- I still like to travel.
That’s it for now 😊
A Long Overdue Post
I don't know if anyone still reads this blog, but just in case you're wondering why I haven't updated it, it's because I moved to a new blog almost two years ago.
Check out my
new home in cyberspace. I don't blog as much as I used to, though. As the song goes, life keeps getting in the way.
Blessed Easter to everyone!
Labels: updates
Greetings from New York!
Well, I'm back in my getaway. It's my fall break and I wanted to get away from my toxic life in Chicago, so I decided to come here again. I arrived here on Friday night. I'm going back to Chicago on Wednesday morning.
I've been here for three days, but I haven't been to the city yet. I was supposed to go there with my cousins on Saturday, but I ended up accompanying my auntie and uncle to the street fair in their area in the afternoon. My cousins and I thought of going to the city in the evening, but they got a little lazy, so we ended up hanging out at New Rochelle. And today, I just hung out and chatted with my auntie in the morning (after we got home from church), and visited the Maryknoll Sisters in Ossining in the afternoon. Tonight, my auntie and I just watched a movie and talked our heads off till 1AM. I had fun, though.
I plan on going to the city tomorrow--I mean, later--to make up for lost time. My auntie told me,
basta umuwi lang daw ako. So I can do whatever I want. Hope I enjoy the rest of my stay here.
Honest to God, sometimes, I think I should move here. I've been thinking about it for a while, and the thought of moving here just crossed my mind again. If I were to stay here longer, I might consider doing that.
I'm sleepy...
I'm running on less than five hours of sleep...but it's all good. I helped my good friend, Sr. Beena, pack her things last night. She's on her way back to India (where she's from) as I write this. She lived in the States for five years; of course she had a lot of stuff. None of the sisters in her community could help her pack last night because they were either busy with various commitments or incapable of strenuous work. I was happy to help out, since I know I can pack pretty well
(palibhasa layas, hehe). We didn't get done till 12:30AM. Okay
lang...
nag-bonding
rin kami while packing. And it wasn't hard to pack for her at all--which is more than what I can say for a
certain nun for whom I did some packing last year. I slept over at the convent of my
Groovy Sisters last night, woke up at 6:00AM, heard mass with the sisters at 7:00AM, and left for work shortly after breakfast (Sr. Beena drove me to my apartment so I could change and get some stuff that she could use for her trip. Then she took me to the train station. Isn't that sweet?
Ginawa ko siyang driver...bad!) I got off work early and went straight to the convent so I could tag along with the other sisters and Sr. Beena's other close friends in bringing her to the airport.
Sigh. I miss Sr. Beena already. I didn't cry when I said goodbye to her, but I was really sad to see her leave. I got so used to having her around for the past four years. We didn't have a lot of opportunities to go out or talk privately, but somehow, we share this bond, and I treasure all the times I spent with her. My life here feels so strange now without her. It felt so strange not to see her around when I had dinner with the sisters tonight. Anyway, I'm happy for her. Five years is a LONG time to be away from home. I'm really happy she'll be with her loved ones again.
Funny, when I said goodbye to her, the last words she said to me were: "If you join [the congregation], let me know."
What did I say in reply? I'll let you guess that part. :-)
I miss you, Sister Beena! Hope to see you again, whenever and wherever that will be. God bless you on your journey! And God bless your new ministry.
Just brooding...
If I Were You
Celine Dion
She can feel you
Drifting far away
But she can’t see through
What you do not say
Take a step back
Don’t lose your ground
Remember how you felt before
And if you care about her
Show her that you’re sure
Refrain:
If I were you
My prized possessions
Would be the ones I’d hold so close
’cause when you lose your love
You lose what means the most
If I were you
I’d hold affection
Higher than any star in sight
Take this to heart
And you’ll never part
These are the things that I would do
If I were you
Simple pleasures
The hardest to be found
Can’t be measured
’till they’re not around
Maybe she’ll go
Maybe she’ll stay
But she’d rather go than fade away
Sometimes the sweetest sorrow
Is the saddest fate
(Refrain)
Take a step back
Don’t lose your ground
Remember how you felt before
And if you care about her
Show her that you’re sure
If I were you
I’d hold affection
Higher than any star in sight
Take this to heart
And you’ll never part
These are the things that I would do
If I were you
Take this to heart
You’ll never part
These are the things that I would do
If I were you
If I were you
If I were you
I'm so bad...
I have a confession to make: When I was home, I did something to hurt
Mama C, my
nanay-nanayan (surrogate mom) in CIW. It was a
very stupid mistake on my part. I tried to keep it hidden, but she found out about it very recently. I guess nothing really stays hidden, period--what you do in the dark will come to the light, at some point. So she's really mad at me. I felt her anger, hurt, frustration, and pain in her letter. I don't blame her. I hurt her so much. I admit my faults, and now I have to deal with the consequences of my actions.
If I had wings, I would fly home right now to let her know that I'm really sorry for hurting her and that I never meant to make her cry and cause her so much pain. I'd tell her I love her so much--even if I made really bad decisions that hurt her.
She may be a faceless prisoner in the eyes of other people...but she means the world to me. She's a close friend, an older sister, a mother-figure, and a confidante all rolled into one. I'm only sorry I didn't value our relationship as much as she did. I was really precious to her. But I took her love for granted and did something to hurt her. Because of a single, stupid mistake on my part, our relationship is hanging in the balance.
Now she wants to let go of me, even if it's painful for her. She ended her letter by saying: "It's hard to let go of someone who touched my life. But it hurts me more to let go of someone who was never mine yet changed my life the most."
Ouch!!!
I'm so bad. I feel so low right now. God help me.
Wanted: Roommate
My roommate and I finally got to talk about
our issues yesterday. She didn't get to read my "loveletter" till Wednesday the 13th, and of course, she was rather upset. She said I could have just knocked on her door and told her that we needed to talk. I told her I didn't know what else to do at that time because she's always out, and when she's home, she always has company--her boyfriend or her friends, so I felt it would be rude to interrupt her. But I did apologize for leaving her a note.
So we talked about all our issues--everything from bills to house rules to her boyfriend's sleepovers.
Wala kaming sama ng loob sa isa't isa. But we also realized that it might be in our best interests if we live separately. She knows I'm not comfortable with her letting her boyfriend sleep over. She's willing to keep her boyfriend's sleepovers to a minimum (like when they have early-morning exams at the campus near the apartment), but she's not comfortable with that, either. She told me she no longer feels comfortable living here because she can't have her boyfriend sleep over that much.
Ayaw nilang mag-live in,
pero gusto niyang matulog lagi dito 'yung lalaki. Ano ba 'yun?
Hay...I guess we just come from such different backgrounds. So it's better for us to find other roommates.
She initially told me that she has a friend who lives in a one-bedroom apartment across the street, and that her friend suggested we swap leases. Okay
sana, but there's no way I can afford living in a one bedroom apartment. And besides,
moving is a bitch. I don't see the point of moving out at this point, since I'll just be here for 10 more months. (And I lived in this apartment first...hello!
Konting respeto!) So we later agreed that she'd be the one to move out if we find someone to take her place. There are several places she can stay in, anyway. And if we can't find anyone else to take her place, we just have to put up with each other till July 2007.
So now I have to find someone who is willing to be my roommate-- hopefully, someone who wouldn't let her significant other sleep over. Good luck to me!
***
On the brighter side of things, here are some things that made me happy over the weekend:
- I received letters from several friends in CIW :) Although I had some issues with certain inmates the last time I was home, I was still really touched that they wrote me right away. A friend who also visits CIW was kind enough to forward my e-mail to them and relay the messages of some of my closest friends in prison.
- My dear friend who entered the monastery last year called me over the weekend. It was so good to hear her voice. I found out I can call her on weekends, after all. We did a lot of catching up yesterday, and I'm gonna call her again on Saturday.
- I got an e-mail from a special friend. Miss niya raw ako. *wink*
***
Kahit hindi mo siguro mababasa ito...I MISS YOU!!! :(
Magparamdam ka na, please. Miss you na talaga, as in!!! :(
On missing people and other random thoughts
Hay naku,
miss
ko na talaga kayo, as in!!!
Ang tagal pa ng December. =(
(
Pasensya na, bratinella mode
ang beauty
ko ngayon.)
***
Happy Birthday, Ate Sharl!!!Well, September 11
pa lang dito pero September 12
na diyan sa Pinas. Siyempre di ko matiis na di ka i-greet
dito kahit hindi mo siguro mababasa ang post
na ito.
I'll call you later. Miss you, kapatid.
***
It's been five years since the September 11 terrorist attacks that changed the world. And the Iraq War and other US policies have made the world less safe and more restrictive since then.
As German Chancellor Angela Merkel asserted, respect for human rights and other cultures must prevail alongside international cooperation in the fight against international terror.
***
Thank you, God, for letting me have a great class today. May my classes tomorrow go smoothly as well. Thank you
po ulit. Amen.
found herself @ 11:13 AM
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