Sexy, Innocent Child-Woman

State of Emergency

That's what Her Highness GMA just declared, after the military preempted a plot to boot her ass out of Malacañang. She spoke at length about her resolve to deal with so-called "traitors" with the full force of law.

Well, she sure frames the issue in such an interesting way (sarcasm intended). Granted, there exist anti-GMA factions that seek to destabilize the government and usurp her power for their self-serving interests. But isn't it ironic for GMA's administration to impose a ban on rallies, conduct warrantless arrests, and invoke all sorts of constitutional provisions to justify its actions, when GMA herself was catapulted into power via the same processes that civilians "circumvented" (read: staging EDSA Dos, even without a rally permit) just five years ago? Given the way she has flouted the law time and again, isn't it ironic for her to invoke the rule of law, if only to intimidate or silence civilians seeking to exercise their constitutional rights? Who's the traitor now?

I have a lot of thoughts to share, as far as the (il)legitimacy of GMA's presidency is concerned, but I'd rather wait for things to unfold before I say anything more on the matter. There's so much going on in the Philippines, particularly in Manila, right now, that I don't want to sleep yet because I don't want to miss anything important. I've been checking the late-breaking news on the Inquirer website for the past couple of hours.

I still think GMA should resign.

found herself @ 1:24 AM 11 comments

Condolence po...

Mommy Lei, para sa inyo 'to. Nakikiramay po kami. Nandito lang kami sa tabi niyo. .

I also offer this prayer for all those who lost their loved ones due to the landslides in Leyte, as well as the ULTRA stampede.

found herself @ 11:58 PM 1 comments

Letters from Prison (Part 2): Ate L

(NOTE: This is a long entry! For a background of this post, click on this.)

I remember the first time I saw her around. It was a humid Sunday afternoon in mid-January of 2005--one of my last visits to CIW before I returned to the States. I was sitting on one of the monobloc chairs beside the stage at the multi-purpose hall, chatting with several inmates whom I had gotten close to. Ate L and two other inmates gathered around the stage to take turns doing karaoke. (CIW has a videoke machine that can only be used on Sundays. Most of the inmates' visitors arrive on Sundays.) Bic Runga's hit single, "Sway," was playing. Ate L and her companions liked the song so much that they jostled for the microphone playfully, until they decided that Ate L would sing the first stanza of the song.

As I watched her sing, I noticed how young Ate L looked. She couldn't have been no more than 24 or 25 years old. She was (and still is) really pretty, with her shoulder-length, brownish-black hair, hazel eyes, fair skin, and tall, slender figure. Even with her loose tangerine shirt and white pedal-pushers (per the dress code of inmates without special positions or duties), she looked like an ordinary lady relaxing and enjoying herself on a Sunday afternoon, instead of doing time in...well, the penitentiary. Her reserved, light-hearted disposition made me wonder what she was doing in prison. Was she in there for a drug-related offense, like numerous other women detained in CIW? Or was she falsely accused and/or implicated in a crime committed by her husband or partner?

I received the answer to my questions a year later, when I went home to the Philippines during Christmas break. I never thought that would happen. For when I visited CIW, most of my encounters with Ate L were casual or fleeting. Since she is friends with Ate J (one of my friends on death row) and her dorm is right beside the death row dormitory, we often bumped into each other; we simply smiled at each other without saying a word. The first time I talked to her was when I went to CIW with my nun-friends two days after I had stayed the night on death row. After my "sleepover," I didn't go home till 4:30PM, so Ate L was amused to see me back in prison less than 18 hours later. "Umuwi ka ba kahapon?" she quipped before rushing to greet one of the nuns.

When I visited CIW again four days later , I ran into Ate L just as I was about to leave. She was sitting beside her dormmate, Nanay M, an elderly inmate whom I frequently ate lunch with (she is good friends with my friend Mommy P and my other friends on death row, so they always eat together and insist that I join them whenever I'm around). After I kissed Nanay M goodbye, I gave Ate L a kiss on the cheek. Ate L would later tell me that this, for her, marked the beginning of our friendship.

I only got to talk to Ate L during my last visit to CIW before I came back here. She and Ate J were sitting on the ledge across the area where we had lunch, puffing their thoughts away, so I joined them after I finished eating. As fate would have it, Ate L revealed a lot about herself during our conversation. It turned out she was 27 years old and married, with three children aged three to six years old (they currently live with her mother-in-law). She was in her third year of college when she and her husband caught a case.

Normally, I don't ask the inmates what they're in prison for, unless they broach the subject. But since Ate L brought up the issue, I mustered enough courage to ask her: "Anong kaso niyo, Ate?"

"Homicide," she replied. I guess she noticed the quizzical expression on my face (which I tried to hide, much to no avail). She elbowed Ate J and gestured toward me, amused at my disbelief: "Tingnan mo 'to." Then Ate L proceeded to explain what had happened to her. I could only listen to her.

"Ni-rape kasi ako." She said this nonchalantly, but the pain in her eyes was evident. Ate L was raped several times by a man who lived in her boarding house (kamag-anak ng may-ari). Her husband killed the man who raped her two weeks later. Because of the time that had elapsed, the police ruled out possible extenuating circumstances, like self-defense. Since Ate L was in the same room in her boarding house when her husband killed her rapist, the police assumed that she was equally liable. Both of them were sentenced to prison for two to six years (her husband is currently detained in Bilibid). Ate L remarked: "Buti na lang homicide ang naging kaso namin, at hindi murder." Had they been charged with the latter, they would have gotten the maximum penalty.

Ate L has been in prison for two years, thus far. She hopes to be released soon. She told me she was interviewed by a parole officer two months ago. She admitted that a relative had to negotiate on her behalf for this to happen (go figure). I find her situation so ironic. Here she is, a rape victim incarcerated for an action carried out in retaliation for a crime against her person. It's not her fault that she was raped! In the end, someone still has to "negotiate" so she can be released sooner than later.

I pray for her early release and for her successful and safe reentry into free society. I know she's not a bad person, and I witnessed that for myself. After our heart-to-heart talk, we hung out for the rest of the afternoon. We shared jokes, cigarettes, and merienda. She asked for my address here and promised to write me right after I left so I would have something to look forward to as soon as I got back here, and I wouldn't feel so lonely (and she kept her word). She even gave me a foot spa right before I left CIW. As she knelt down to wash my feet, I could have sworn I saw Jesus Christ Himself.

Ate L has so many plans in life, for herself and for her children. I know she'll encounter so many challenges after her release from prison. But I continue to hope all her dreams come true.


Here is her letter (to protect her privacy, I omitted revealing information about her):


Hi Diane,

How are u doin now? It's already been 2 days since you left and I don't know how many days it will take for this letter to reach you. For sure at the moment you're home already and resting. That was a long trip, wasn't it?

I never thought we could be friends. Whenever I see you, I want to smile at you but I'm kinda shy sometimes. Until that moment when you came and you kissed me to greet me, and it is when it just started. Sayang kasi, it was your last day na nung nagkakwentuhan tayo. Pero I know marami pang panahon na puwede kitang makasama and I want our friendship to grow. I'm so blessed to have you as my friend.

Di, pls. always pray for us na sana makalabas na kami. Alam mo I wrote another set of goals last New Year. And I want to fulfill those goals as soon na makalaya ako. Gusto kong matapos ang pag-aaral ko, and I still have 3 semesters left. Then magte-take ako ng licensure exam. Actually, there are ten sets of exams, each has its own topic kung saan dun nila ibe-base ang expertise mo. Puwedeng di mo sabay-sabayin ang pagkuha ng test, but you need to finish those 10 before na maibigay nila yung license mo kung nakapasa ka. Pero sabi ko sa papa ko kung kaya ko rin lang na pagsabayin ang pag-aaral at pagtatrabaho ay gagawin ko. Dati ako sa ______ nagtatrabaho at okay lang sa mga managers and supervisors ko na bumalik ako dun. Kaya lang parang ayoko na rin, mas gusto kong mag-apply ngayon as a medical transcriptionist. Kahit nasa bahay, as long as you have your own computer with internet access, puwede mong ituloy ang trabaho mo. No need for overtime, and I'll be able to earn as much as PhP 20,000 a month. Alam ko na I can do both at the same time, hard worker naman ako eh.

The next step kung makapasa ako sa licensure exam ay mag-a-apply na ako sa _____. Specifically sa _____ kasi walang gender discrimination. Kahit female ka as long as you're qualified, they will hire you. Sa latter part na siguro yung plano ko na mag-[name of her dream job], yun ay kung papalarin pa ako kasi for sure over 30 na ako pag naka-grad ako, siyempre maghahanap pa ako ng experience. Kahit noon pa yun talaga ang dream ko...Grabe ang taas ng pangarap ko! Kung hanggang saan lang ang ma-fulfill ko okay lang sa akin, but I'd really do my best to reach these dreams for me and for my kids.

Di, kung makapunta dito si [name of her friend] next week mag-send ako ng e-mail sa'yo. Baka mauna pa yung e-mail kesa dito sa letter ko. Sana you could have time to write back.

Can I ask you a favor, if you won't mind? Can you please surf on the website and send me some copies of information or some manuscripts about [her field of study]? Kahit kay [name of her friend] mo na lang i-send para kahit papaano makapag-refresh na rin ako. If you're too busy, ok lang, don't bother!

Di, always take care of yourself! I'll always pray for you! Thanks for coming into my life! God Bless You!

MISS U!

found herself @ 7:30 PM 9 comments

News from the homeland

Some random thoughts (and rants) about the latest news from Pinas...

(I meant to post this entry earlier, but I've been really busy.)

On the release of elderly inmates from Bilibid



(Credits to the Philippine Daily Inquirer for the photo.)

I was overjoyed when I found out that Arroyo granted conditional pardon to 46 elderly and sick inmates from the New Bilibid Prison (NBP). Nagpapabango kasi ng pangalan (hmm...she might as well make herself useful). She also commuted the death sentences of 280 inmates to life imprisonment, on the pretext of decongesting NBP. I'm inclined to question her logic. For crying out loud, how can you decongest a penitentiary that way? Hindi nga sila bibitayin pero kung nandiyan pa rin naman sila habang buhay, what difference will it make? Chances are, they'll pose additional demands on the system as they grow older.

Anyhow, for the lolos who were pardoned, I wish them well as they reenter free society. I hope and pray that they receive enough support from their families and communities. Regardless of what they did, tao rin naman sila. Studies show that elderly inmates (especially non-violent offenders) no longer pose a threat to society and present a very low risk of recidivism upon their release. All they want to do is enjoy the last years of their lives with their loved ones and die with dignity, for the most part.

My only question is this: What about the women? I know 11 elderly and sickly inmates at the Correctional Institution for Women were freed through executive clemency almost two months ago, and 34 others were pardoned last year. But there are so many other elderly and sickly inmates at CIW. They need to be given priority, too, instead of being treated as an afterthought in the entire executive clemency process.

On Estrada's possible release

(Warning: Maraming bad words dito.)

What the fuck?!!! Uminit talaga ang ulo ko noong nabasa ko ito. What makes him deserving of "temporary freedom?" That's interesting (sarcasm intended), considering that he's been charged with a non-bailable offense. I don't care if his possible release on recognizance is just good for 30 days. He's been given too many concessions, as it is. Hello, isn't he already on house arrest?! In what way is his current setup less conducive to his need "to effectively prepare for when he takes the stand to defend himself from plunder and perjury charges before the Sandiganbayan," as he puts it?

As for Defensor's claim that "there's no personal or vested interest in this, and it is for the national interest," well, that's a crock of shit.

Punyetang mga pulitiko na iyan, pati 'yang mga lintik na "religious leaders" na pumapapel ngayon. I'd like them to serve as guarantors for indigent inmates, especially those who are there for non-violent offenses and are less of a threat to national security. Tingnan natin kung wala talaga silang vested interests. Their hypocrisy is so obscene.

Speaking of which, "HYPOCRISY" would be a good caption for this photo (credits to the Inquirer). Another good caption would be: "Political Turncoatism (Balimbing) in the Flesh."


On the mudslides in Leyte

I was really shaken when I read about the recent landslide in the village of Ginsaugon in St. Bernard, Southern Leyte. Perhaps the news just hit home because I'm from Leyte, although most of my relatives live in the northern part of the province (thank God!). It saddens me to know that a tragedy such as this happened, considering that the Philippines is still reeling from the ULTRA stampede. My heart goes out to the victims and the survivors of the landslide. I'm thankful for the local and foreign aid pouring in for landslide rescue efforts. I can only pray for the teachers and children who have been sending text messages, calling for help, after they got buried alive by the landslide (kinikilabutan ako).

It also saddens me to know that the landslide in Leyte was a tragedy waiting to happen. As it is, not only the weather or the vulnerability of St. Bernard to natural disasters, but also illegal logging contributed to the disaster. Weren't 6,000 people killed due to the floods and landslides in Ormoc in 1991? And didn't another 133 people perish in the floods and mudslides in Leyte in December of 2003? When will people ever learn?!

found herself @ 11:53 PM 3 comments

Happy Valentine's Day

One minute to go before Valentine's Day is officially over--at least, in my side of the world...

Happy Valentine's Day sa ating lahat!

To all those who greeted me--my sisters; my close friends, Jayce, Ate Sharl and Wowie; and of course, my blog-friends: Mommy Neng, Doc Nikki, Melai, Fay, Mommy Lei, Mommy Ann, Ghie, i.n., Sis Elln, Ate Malaine, Nang Ethel, and Lauren--THANK YOU for remembering me!

Mommy Neng, thank you so much for the card! *HUGS* from Chicago! :)


I had a quiet Valentine's Day celebration. Wala akong ka-date...kasi wala dito ang nagpapatibok ng puso ko...charing! I had to work pretty much the whole day, so I had a pre-Valentine's Day celebration of sorts yesterday. What did I do? Nothing much. I took time out to be "kind" to myself--I slept till early in the afternoon without feeling guilty about it afterward, haha. I also passed by a Native American center I once worked with to visit the people there (pang-thank you ko na rin sa kanila because two community leaders spoke in my class on February 9th). Then I mailed my letters (which I worked on all weekend), as well as some birthday and Valentine's cards and books, to my friends in CIW. I knew they were gonna celebrate the Foundation Day of CIW, as well as the annual Ms. Correctional pageant (o diba, san ka pa?!), on Valentine's Day, so I sent them a text message through one of the guards to greet them and wish the "candidates" good luck.

Today, I worked my butt off, pretty much. I taught at my school, then at the community college, so wala akong boses pagkatapos, grabe. After my last class, I went straight to my school's literacy center, where I teach English to a Chinese immigrant once a week. So ang ka-Valentine ko, mga estudyante ko. It's all good, though. My student at the literacy center gave me chocolates, which was really sweet of her :)

After I finished my volunteer work at the literacy center, I went to Mass. Ang ganda ng homily! And it turned out the priest also worked at a prison in the past, so he drew upon his experience. Siyempre, naka-relate ako. So...ayun, ka-Valentine ko rin pala ang Diyos...Siya lang yata nagtiyatiyaga sa 'kin, hehehe :)

Gosh, I'm turning into a full-blown manang. Ako ba 'to?! *shakes head*

I may not have a significant other right now, but I'm happy and at peace. I'm single, but I can be there for the people I love--my family, my friends, and the indigenous people and inmates who have become so close to my heart. And that means the world to me.


Hope you all enjoyed your Valentine's Day celebration! Stay in love, spread the love! Take care, everyone!

found herself @ 11:59 PM 11 comments

Letters from Prison (Part 1)

Ohmygosh. I received four letters from the Correctional Institution for Women (CIW) within the last six days or so. On Thursday the 2nd, I received a letter from Ate L, my new friend on Medium Security who is expecting to be released this year (please, God). Yesterday, I received three letters from Ate V, Ate S, and Ate H, my close friends on death row.

For those who may be wondering how I ended up corresponding with incarcerated women (as if I haven't blogged about them or mentioned them in passing one time too many), I used to volunteer in CIW before I came to the U.S. in September of 2002. I became really close to the inmates on death row. Whenever I'm home, I make it a point to visit them. During my recent vacation in the Philippines, I ended up spending most of my time with them. I visited them during the holidays and several other occasions, and I even slept on death row twice. And so I renewed old friendships and made new friends, like Ate L, along the way. (Para sa mga kaibigan ko sa Pinas, 'pag mahirap akong hagilapin, iisa lang ang ibig sabihin n'un: nasa CIW ako. Bawal magdala ng cellphone doon kaya hindi ako makasagot agad sa mga text niyo. At para naman sa blog-friends ko, alam niyo na kung saan ako naglagalag at kung bakit bihira akong mag-blog noong nasa Pinas ako.)

No words can adequately convey how I felt while reading their letters, and how I feel right now. I'm so humbled and touched by their actions. Mahal kayang magpadala ng sulat dito, lalo na't wala pa silang pera. Ate L actually took time out to write me the day after I left for the States. And in their letters (dated January 31st), Ate V, Ate S, and Ate H expressed their concern about how I'm doing now, gave me advice, teased me about the current state of my love life (or lack thereof) to make me laugh, and assured me that they were okay. They all told me that they miss me. Aww...God bless them. They lift me up when I'm down and keep me going.

I keep their letters by my bedside at night and carry them with me during the day, so I can read them over and over again. I also framed some of my pictures with them and placed these on my desk and my night table, so I can see them all the time. And right now, I'm wearing the bracelets given to me by Ate H and Ate G, another inmate on death row, to remind me that we'll always be together in spirit.

I miss them so much. Not a day goes by when I don't think of them or lift them up in my prayers. I just wish life would be kind to them, and that they would be released in time (especially those who are innocent). My friends in prison, especially those on death row, are so close to my heart. I would give my life for them, just for them to be free.

Five years ago, I would never have thought or expected that I would end up in this kind of ministry. But life has its surprises. And God never fails to surprise me by sending people my way to transform me and draw me closer to Him/Her. I want to pass on the love I've received.

***

I came across this article in the Inquirer website. I can only hope and pray that the 53 elderly inmates pardoned by GMA include those languishing in CIW. The last time I went home, I got to talk to several of them the day after 11 elderly (and sickly) women inmates were freed through executive clemency. Their situation breaks my heart.

(To be continued...Abangan...susulatan ko muna sila.)

found herself @ 10:57 AM 10 comments

Nag-harakiri ang flash drive ko

How would you feel if a device you rely on for everything suddenly stopped working? And what would you do if you found out that there was no way to repair the device and retrieve the invaluable information stored in it? And what would you do upon realizing that you have to work on certain documents from scratch? Paksyet diba?!!! (FYI: Paksyet is the Filipino version of "fuck" and "shit," combined.) Parang magugunaw ang mundo mo. (It's as if your world would soon come to an end.)

OA na kung OA (a Filipino acronym for overacting), but that's exactly what I felt when I found out my flash drive stopped working. The last time I used it was on Thursday the 2nd, after I taught my class at the community college. Heck, I even saved my lecture notes for this week, my attendance records, and exams loaned to me by my roommate, who taught the same class in the Fall of 2004. I did that right before I left the office.

And then the blasted thing suddenly stopped working. Good thing I thought of using my flash drive over the weekend, so I immediately found out that it had committed harakiri. On Sunday the 5th, I couldn't access the internet from my apartment for the nth time, so I decided to go to my school (a 10 minute walk from where I live). I passed by my office and found out that my computer didn't recognize my flash drive. Since I have a pretty funky computer, I didn't worry about it yet--that is, until I got home and found out that even my Jurassic laptop did not recognize my flash drive. I stayed up till 4:30AM or so in an attempt to fix the damn thing, but it was all for naught. Yesterday, I had to take care of some business (read: red tape) at the community college, so I decided to check if my computer there would at least recognize my flash drive. No such luck. I got the same error messages that I obtained when I plugged my flash drive into my laptop. Sure enough, when I went to Best Buy, I found out that a piece of my flash drive (the silver thingy you plug into the USB port of your computer) had gotten disconnected from the main unit. And there was no way to fix the bloody thing.

So I've officially lost the final copy of my master's thesis (which I'm presenting at several conferences and which I'm trying to publish, besides), articles about the women's prison in the Philippines where I used to volunteer and files of the cases of several inmates, and some pictures of my recent vacation in the Philippines. I've also lost important documents for one of my classes, like the most updated version of my syllabus, all my lecture notes, the attendance records I have to submit, and the exams I "borrowed" from my roommate. I don't even want to think about the other important files I might have lost along the way.

Thank God I have backups of my syllabus and pictures and my roommate's exams. I also have hard copies of my thesis and lecture notes. And I can always retrieve surf the internet to obtain the information about the women's prison and the cases of my friends (which I want to keep on file, just in case these might come in handy in the near future). But it will be a bitch to retype several chapters of my thesis and the attendance record for one of my classes, which is due soon. Waaah!

I'm just hoping and praying my new flash drive won't commit harakiri anytime soon.

found herself @ 10:45 PM 11 comments

Miss na kita...

Kahit hindi mo ito mababasa kailanman...

Miss na kita
Lalo na sa pagsapit ng gabi
Dahil ako'y muling nag-iisa
Sa pagtulog, walang katabi.

--Diane

found herself @ 9:52 PM 23 comments