My Heart's New Home (Part 2)
(NOTE: This entry is a continuation of my account of my trip to Honduras. For a background of this post, click on this. Sorry for the delay! Life got in the way.) Prior to my trip to Honduras, I had no experience whatsoever in ministry work involving people with HIV/AIDS. I had done some research on the global AIDS crisis over the past year, since we covered this topic in the Social Problems classes I taught at my school, and of course I had to be well-prepared for our class discussions. My research made me aware that next to Africa, Latin America (of which Honduras is a part) and the Caribbean have the second highest number of HIV/AIDS cases and deaths around the world. I also came to realize that the AIDS epidemic is much more complex than what most people think. It is not limited to homosexuals, drug addicts, prostitutes, other sexually promiscuous individuals, and other groups who are readily associated with this disease.
Granting that the HIV virus is commonly transmitted through sexual contact and drug use, the casualties of AIDS are not limited to adults. Millions of children around the world have had their young lives damaged by HIV/AIDS...and yet they remain invisible.Indeed, children are the hidden victims of the global AIDS crisis. They are likely to be orphaned on account of the disease. Or their parents (if they're still alive) or relatives may be too poor and/or too sick to care for them. These children are also at risk for mother-to-child transmissions of HIV. Some are infected with the virus while they are still in their mother's wombs. Many other children come into contact with their mother's HIV-infected bodily fluids at birth or if their mothers breastfeed, and become HIV positive themselves. I did not understand the repercussions of such realities until I did volunteer work at
Montana de Luz last month. That experience put a face--or should I say multiple faces--to all the statistics and trends I had read about.
***
I went to Montana de Luz with an open mind and heart. That was the least I could do. I took this biblical passage to heart: "Take off your shoes, for you stand on holy ground." I trusted in the wisdom of this teaching, which had served me well so many times before, during my visits to different disadvantaged communities in the Philippines and in Chicago.
Although my groupmates and I thought we would spend most of our time with the children, we ended up performing labor-intensive tasks, as well. My group was responsible for planting an orchard from scratch and doing other manual tasks, like laying pipes on the mountains for the water system of the orphanage and giving a very pregnant pig a bath. So just imagine me doing such tasks...although I did NOT give the pig a bath, thank goodness! We started working as early as 7:30AM. On some days, we worked until 2:30PM, stopping to take a water break and a lunch break. During our "lucky days," we were done by 11:30AM, just in time for lunch.
Beto (an employee at Montana de Luz) and I digging a hole for one of the seedlings
I have to admit that the work we did was a stretching experience for me. I don't do labor-intensive tasks on a daily basis. I worked on the pipes during the heaviest days of my period, so it took a lot of strength for me to dig a ditch for the pipes on a rocky incline and shovel dirt back into the ditch. I also witnessed firsthand how planting trees isn't as simple as it seems. You have to dig holes and cover them up with so much dirt (enough to fill four wheelbarrels) before planting the seedlings. But my groupmates and I bonded so much over this experience. We have so many jokes that only we can understand...and we'll never look at dirt, shovels, or construction work in the same way ever again.
Oh, we had a creepy experience at work one morning. Five of us were shoveling dirt into the wheelbarrows, which would be used to fill the holes for the trees. Suddenly, four vultures appeared and hovered over us, circling our heads. We joked that the vultures were waiting for us to collapse so they could eat us. But that was scary!
In the afternoons, we played with the children. These kids have been through a lot. A significant number of them have lost their mothers, fathers (that is, if they were even around), and other family members or relatives to AIDS. Some were abused in their former places of residence. The majority of them lived in abject poverty and came to Montana de Luz malnourished, suffering from ear infections, tooth decay, skin problems, tapeworms, and the like. I know at least two kids who used to slip some of their food into a napkin and sneak it into their rooms after meals, afraid that they wouldn't eat the next day. Their stories are heartbreaking. But you wouldn't even realize that, if not for the stories of the staff and the volunteers. At Montana de Luz, the children run around, play games and sports, ask you to play with them, hug you, and joke around with you. They're still as carefree as other kids.
Playing softball with some volunteers
We had different activities lined up for the children at Montana de Luz. We did everything from playing with a parachute to blowing bubbles to painting rocks to planting a "Peace Garden." Our playtimes were the sweetest moments of my life. I learned to let go of all my worries and just live for the moment. I relished the simple pleasures of life--such as: having my sweet Jaimi on my lap for the entire afternoon, hearing little Marlo call me "Tia," making paper boats and airplanes for countless kids and watching them paint rocks, receiving a rock with my name painted on it, and being hugged by Dilma everyday...the list goes on and on. I felt like a child again, as I learned to view the world through the eyes of the children. Suddenly, things like paper boats and airplanes, finger-painted rocks, clapping games, and trips to the pulperia (corner store) filled me with a sense of wonder. I just had to stop and give thanks for everything.
Tanya (in the background), Jaimi, and Tia Gabi holding the paper boats I made
Lala and me (credits to Tanya for the picture)
Kenya (a young girl who lives near Montana de Luz and often drops by to help out) and Sonya playing a clapping game at the pulperia
With Dilma...I miss her tight hugs!
With Kevin Omar, who helped me carry my stuff the day I arrived at Montana de Luz and put up with my barok Spanish. We became really close, too.
Hanging out with Roxanna, Jackie (who teaches at the children's school and visits them sometimes), Diana, and Leila
Aside from bonding with the kids, I became really close to some employees at Montana de Luz, like the cocineras (cooks), the tias (housemothers), and my favorite staff member who will remain unnamed, haha :) I helped the cocineras bring our food to the dining room and set the table, and we got to know each other along the way. I also bonded with several tias. They all reached out to me despite the language barrier.
I was really touched when seven staff members asked me when I'd go back to Honduras. Enoria, the nurse, told me I'd better go back. And during my last night, Merli, one of the tias, specifically told me: "Regresar a Montana de Luz (Come back to Montana de Luz)." I told one of my companions about it and she was really moved; she realized that she didn't even get to know any of the tias.
With the cocineras, Juanita (to my left) and Magdalena (to my right), and Don Juan (the driver, whose house I visited)
With one of the tias...she asked me when I'd go back to Honduras
***
I wonder what the future holds for the children. I'm happy they're on anti-retroviral therapy, and I can only hope they respond well to their medication so they could live longer. I also hope their communities would become more accepting of them. I just wish governments, humanitarian organizations, and NGOs around the world would invest more resources to mitigate and resolve the global AIDS crisis.
I want the memories of my stay in Honduras to burn in my soul and transform me completely. I keep looking at the pictures of my trip, especially during lonely days. I definitely plan to go back there. I'm even open to working and living there for a few years after I finish my studies--which has to mean something, considering my tendency to get really homesick. The Philippines will always be my home, and my heart belongs to certain people and places, like the inmates of CIW and the Aetas of Tarlac. But if I were to do service work in Honduras, particularly for people with AIDS, it would be worth the sacrifice.
For my heart has found a new home.
Regresa re! ( I'll be back!)
P.S. If you want to see more pictures of my trip to Honduras, check out my albums (labeled "Honduras ABI") on Yahoo Photos and Photobucket. Enjoy!
I'm still in limbo but I'm feeling better now
To everyone who offered advice, extended words of comfort and sympathy, e-mailed me, texted me, and/or called me, THANK YOU so much for your concern and prayers. It means a lot to me, especially at this time. I'm still sad that I didn't get to leave yesterday, as planned. But I'm not as emotional as I was two days ago. I'm feeling slightly better now.
In retrospect, I've come to accept that my supposed departure on June 25th wasn't meant to be. I really didn't want to leave without finding a roommate. That would have been too risky, not to mention irresponsible. And even if someone did call to confirm that she wanted to become my roommate four hours after I cancelled my flight, and I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or shoot myself, it turned out I still had some unfinished business to take care of...like picking up my new laptop from Best Buy :-) It was supposed to be available for pickup on June 23rd, but someone messed up my order, so the shipping of my laptop got delayed. So even if I had found a roommate before June 25th, I would have had another setback, regardless.
Anyway, things worked out. I called the store this afternoon to follow up on my order, and the guy I spoke with told me it was still in transit. (I couldn't get the model I wanted in other branches of Best Buy because it was out of stock. Apparently, it's a very popular model.) So medyo nagtaray ako. I explained that I had to leave the country soon and I didn't want the delay in the shipping of my laptop to hold me back again (I'll be damned if that happens. After the hellish roommate search, that's the last thing I need.) The employee who processed my order called me about two hours later and offered me a good deal. He told me I could buy another laptop with the same specifications as the model I wanted, except that the unit he recommended had a better operating system. The model he offered me was really more expensive than what I had planned on getting. But because of the delay in the shipping of my order, he sold me the laptop for the same price as the laptop I had ordered. Sweet! I couldn't complain about that.
My life is still hanging in the balance. But I got to take care of my most important concerns. Now I'm just waiting for my travel agent to get back to me about the next available flight. And I'll be as ready as I could ever be.
In the meantime, I'm gonna finish cleaning my apartment, buy extra pasalubong, and read some books for my special field exam (so I don't have to study when I'm home. Gimik na lang ng gimik, haha!) I also plan on visiting my nun-friend, who is based in St. Kitts but is in town for part of the summer. She's taking a class at my school this week. I wouldn't have been able to see her if I had left yesterday, since I spent the entire weekend with my family and relatives. But since I'm still here, I can visit her first thing tomorrow morning or thereabouts.
I just hope I get to leave this week--the earlier, the better. All you holy men and women pray for me.
***
Here's something that made me smile: I'm officially a
madrina (what Hondurans call a female sponsor or godmother) to Jaimi. I just received a letter from Montana de Luz, finalizing my participation in their God's Gift sponsorship program. I want to sponsor my baby for as long as I can. I'm free to write her, and someone will keep me informed about how she's doing. I'm happy that we're still connected.
My ever-serious and curious baby
My sweet Jaimi...I MISS YOU!!!
I'm still here...I don't know when I can go home
(
Warning: I am pissed. This post contains a lot of cuss words.)
I meant to post the second part of my account of my trip to Honduras, but I haven't been able to finish that post so that will have to wait. I've had a lot on my mind lately. I've had so much fucking trouble trying to find a roommate for the coming school year--which I need to do before I go home. There was this girl at school that was supposed to be my roommate. We had started talking about this as early as March. I even talked to her before I left for Honduras (May 22nd), and she said she was still interested. But she fucking canceled on me at the last minute--on June 6th, to be exact. She could have told me that earlier, but no, that biatch just had to wait till the last fucking minute to cancel on me.
I was in touch with this other lady who also graduated from my school. But she found another place to stay at the last minute, the day after the ditz who was supposed to be my roommate canceled on me. So I had less than three weeks to find another roommate. And I haven't been very successful. Fuck!
I posted ads on the internet, wherever I could post them. But apparently, there's this roommate scam going on, and most of the inquiries I got came from potential scammers. What do they do? They say they'll be coming from other countries, claiming that they're either working or taking a vacation somewhere in Africa or Europe and they'll be arriving in the US shortly. They'll agree to whatever terms you set regarding your apartment or lease. Then those motherfuckers offer to send their payment in advance, with a catch--they send you an overpayment (claiming it's their paycheck or some money someone owed them, etc.) and ask you to deduct the rent, security deposit, and other expenses, then request that you send the balance to a third party, such as a travel agent who would supposedly book their flight to the US or to a shipping company. And then the money orders they send turn out to be counterfeit, so of course you're screwed if you cash them or deposit them in your bank account. To be honest, I nearly got victimized by one such scammer. Good thing I had enough sense to see through the inconsistencies of her stories about her situation. But that totally threw my schedule off.
Four other people in Chicago have inquired about my apartment and visited (one just left less than an hour ago), but none of them have committed thus far. Good God...
wala bang taong nangangailangan ng apartment
dito?
Letse!
I was supposed to go home tomorrow but because I haven't found a fucking roommate yet as of today, I have no choice but to reschedule my flight. Fuck. And I don't know when I can go home. I talked to the travel agent and she said the next available flight isn't until July 6th...and I still have to stay overnight in Tokyo. Double fuck.
I can see the two-month vacation I had been hoping for since last year crumbling before my eyes...and IT HURTS!!! It is a big deal for me to cut my vacation short by 11 to 12 days.I've cried over this so many times already and right now, I'm about to have a good cry. If I don't blog for a while, it's because my life is so shitty right now and I just feel like shit with this roommate business (or lack thereof).
Addendum:I canceled my flight at 2PM. Four hours after I canceled my flight for June 25th, one of the young ladies interested in my apartment (from whom I had been waiting to hear since June 22nd) called me to confirm that she could room in with me. God. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Why didn't she call me earlier? Is this a joke or what???!!!
I'm relieved I found someone, but I still don't know when I'm going home. The travel agent I spoke with--who wasn't too happy I rescheduled my flight for the second time (the first being the time when I rescheduled my flight in May so I could go to Honduras and attend my cousin's wedding here in Chicago)--told me to wait for her call on Monday the 26th. She'll see if she can find an earlier flight for me. So I have no choice to wait and see what happens next.
I just want to go home soon. I want to be home before the end of this month but I don't even know if that's gonna happen. My situation is driving me crazy.
Pray for me.
My Heart's New Home (Part 1)
NOTE: I meant to write about my trip to Honduras earlier, but I've just been so busy lately. It's been two weeks since I got back, so I've readjusted to my life here. I still miss the people I met in Honduras--especially my sweet Jaimi and mi amor--but I've found the strength to go on. Anyway, here is the long-delayed account of my trip. If I sound like a textbook, please bear with me.
Picturesque mountains such as these are commonplace in Honduras.
Life's a beach--at least in the island of Amapala
"All roads lead to Tegus:" Tegucigalpa (or "Tegus," as the locals call it), the capital of Honduras, is a gateway into the Pacific Coast and numerous attractions in the central and southern regions of the country.
Unfortunately, Honduras is one of the least developed and industrialized nations in Central America, and remains largely dependent on the United States. The unequal distribution of wealth and income in the country cannot be overemphasized. Monopolies abound, and political and business elites control the economy. Corruption is widespread within the government and police and military forces, and the judicial system is weak. Bribery is a way of life (does this sound familiar to anyone?)
The unemployment rate of Honduras is about 30%; this figure is greater among women. More than half of the population (53%) live below the poverty line. About 68% of Honduran families, especially those in rural and semi-urban areas, live in poverty.
One's socio-economic status affects different areas of one's life, such as one's education, employment opportunities (or lack thereof), values, health status, and access to services. As such, the extent of poverty in Honduras has multiple negative consequences for its citizens. Poverty also creates fertile ground for the spread of infectious diseases, such as HIV and AIDS. Social policies that reinforce economic inequality also reinforce conditions where the scourge of HIV/AIDS can flourish.
Although Honduras has only 17% of the population of Central America, it has the highest rate of AIDS (around 60% of all AIDS cases) in the region. Research shows that AIDS in Honduras is transmitted heterosexually, for which equal numbers of men and women are infected. The HIV infection rate among women is rising faster than that among men. AIDS has become the leading cause of death among women of childbearing age in Honduras. Poverty, violence, lack of education, unequal power relations between women and men, and biological factors increase the vulnerability of women.
The children of HIV positive women suffer a double burden--they are likely to be orphaned, and they become fatally ill from HIV. Indeed, these children, like their counterparts around the world, are the innocent victims of all the inequities of their society. I saw concrete examples of this reality during my stay in Honduras, when I volunteered at Montana de Luz and interacted with children with HIV/AIDS.
***
True to its name, Montana de Luz (Spanish for "Mountain of Light) is located on top of a small mountain east of Tegucigalpa, near the town of Nuevo Paraiso. Life here proceeds at a much slower and more relaxed pace--a respite from the noise and stress of urban life. Here, one can contemplate the splendor of the lavender mountains and blue skies during the day, or admire the canopy of stars at night. Here, one is free to enjoy many other simple pleasures, such as the gentle breeze, the chirping of the birds, the laughter of the children...and yes, silence.
The view from Montana de Luz...No wonder I fell in love with this place!
Bunnies, bunnies, and more bunnies at Montana de Luz
All the children at Montana de Luz are HIV-positive. They will live out their childhoods at the orphanage. Some of them may even die there. But God willing, these children will know that they are not alone in the struggle to live with dignity and hope in the face of a global scourge that has taken its toll on their young lives. Montana de Luz provides the children with a loving, family-like environment, nutritious food, clean water, and proper medical care. Various programs meet the children's educational, social, emotional, and spiritual needs. The orphanage aims to help the children live, grow, and thrive, despite their illness; if they die, at least they die with dignity and the knowledge that they are loved.
The angels of Montana de LuzTo its credit, Montana de Luz decided to procure anti-retroviral therapy for the children in 2001, in order to contain the HIV virus and prevent it from turning into full-blown AIDS. The Ministry of Health of Honduras later took the children under its wing and paid for the costs of the anti-retroviral medication. This move has helped prolong the lives of most of the children. Montana de Luz has thus been transformed from a hospice for dying children to a home where children could actually grow up. An indicator of this is the fact that the room that was once the morgue of the orphanage is now a computer room for the children. The project coordinator told us they haven't really needed a morgue lately because fewer children are dying nowadays. So earlier this year, they decided to convert the space and put it to good use. Her words gave me hope.
The morgue-turned-computer room--a sign of life
(To be continued.)
Random musings
I am passing time at a coffee house near my apartment. One of my favorite songs,
Sway, is playing in the background. This song perfectly describes my relationship with the object of my affection (who doesn't know I exist) and the feelings I continue to harbor deep within.
Wala lang. Feel
na feel
ko ang lyrics
ng kantang ito ngayon--'yung ibang linya, tagos hanggang kaluluwa.Say you'll stay
Don't come and go like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know all about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know all about you
It's all because of you
It's all because of you
It's all because of you
Aaargh. Unrequited love hurts, period. It's even more painful when the person you love lives in a different continent and you don't know if and/or when you'll see your beloved again.
Something that made me smile today...
I checked the
Inquirer website this morning--something I hadn't done for the past two weeks, what with my trip to Honduras and everything I had to take care of upon my return to Chicago. I was overjoyed when I found out that
Congress had voted to abolish the death penalty in the Philippines. The turn of events surprised me. I know this move isn't free from vested interests on the part of our dear politicians (sarcasm intended). But I'm still happy that
the death penalty has been repealed, as of June 7th. I maintain that the death penalty does not deter crime. For crime does not happen in a vacuum. You cannot eradicate crime without addressing social structures or conditions that perpetuate it--such as poverty, unemployment, the culture of violence and its impact on men and women, and corruption in the justice system.
While reading the articles in the Inquirer, I suddenly remembered the words of Ate S, one of my friends on death row (prior to the abolition of the death penalty) in her letter dated April 24th: "
Day, sigurado ako na isa ka sa napakasaya para sa amin dahil sa balitang ibinaba ang hatol na death [penalty].
Sana nga ay tuloy-tuloy na. At kahit papaano ay nabunutan kami ng tinik sa dibdib. At nawala ang takot na laging kasama kahit sa pagtulog. (I'm sure you're one of those people who are really happy for us because of the news about the commutation of death sentences [during Easter Sunday]. I hope things continue to go smoothly. Somehow, that's one less load to carry around [FYI: this is the most coherent translation I can think of for the expression
'nabunutan ng tinik,' but I could be wrong]. The fear that we carry with us all the time, even while we sleep, has disappeared.)"
I'm just happy that my sisters in CIW can finally sleep at night without the death sentence hanging over their heads. And I'm happy that death convicts would now have more opportunities for rehabilitation. Women and men on death row aren't allowed to participate in livelihood programs in the prisons. They can avail of such opportunities now that their sentences have been commuted to life imprisonment. Across thousands of miles, I can feel the relief voiced by a former death convict in
this article.
That said, I still hope those who were previously on death row get extensive reviews of their cases. Idealistic as this may sound, I pray that the inmates whose cases are still on appeal would receive fair trials. I'm worried that the repeal of the death penalty may lead those in power to assume the guilt of all those previously sentenced to death instead of working to free the innocent.
The ineligibility of former death convicts for parole is an unjust move for those who were wrongfully accused and convicted in the first place.
The fight is not yet over.
I'm back...and broken-hearted
Hola! (Hello!)
Como esta? (How are you?) To all those who dropped by my blog while I was away and/or too depressed to blog after my trip to Honduras,
muchas gracias (thank you very much) for your messages, comments, words of comfort, and for simply checking up on me.
I got back from Honduras on May 31st, at around 10PM. I was too tired to blog when I got home, plus my internet connection was acting up. I didn't get to check my e-mail till June 1st, but I couldn't come up with a coherent post, and I was too sad to blog anyway; hence, my silence. I didn't get to use the internet this past weekend because I visited my
Groovy Sisters. I attended their Discipleship Retreat and spent Pentecost Sunday with them. I got home at around 5PM yesterday, but I didn't feel like heading to the nearest coffee house just to get wi-fi internet access.
Wala talaga ako sa mood mag-blog
noong mga nakaraang araw (I just wasn't in the mood to update my blog during the past few days). To be honest, it feels strange to update this blog after being away for some time.
I miss Honduras. I miss the kids and the
tias (the housemothers or staff) at
Montaña de Luz (the orphanage where I did volunteer work). I keep looking at our pictures just to relive the memories of my stay there.
Blowing bubbles with my anak-anakan, Jaimi...I miss my baby!
Nanay and anak (wish ko lang)...isn't my baby adorable?
Las chicas bonitas...Te extraño, Miryan!
With some of my companions in Amapala (an island across El Salvador)
When I was in Honduras, I realized my heart is bigger than I ever thought it was. My heart is wide enough to embrace other people, regardless of nationality, culture, and social background. I never thought I would fall in love with this country and its people, but I did. I left my heart there. I really hope to go back there someday.
And I never thought I would fall in love with someone in particular. But somewhere along the way, a special person touched my heart without realizing it. And I will never be the same. Now, we're oceans apart, living separate lives, and I can only pick up the pieces of my broken heart.
(
More when I feel like it.)
(NOTE: This entry is a continuation of my account of my trip to Honduras. For a background of this post, click on this. Sorry for the delay! Life got in the way.) 
With Dilma...I miss her tight hugs!
found herself @ 8:15 PM
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