"Sobra pa sa madre"
Well, I didn't push through with my trip to Tarlac last week. There was a typhoon in the area the day I arrived from Singapore. The training session for Aeta community leaders, which I was supposed to observe, had been cancelled on account of the weather, so I knew I wouldn't see my friends. I also knew I'd have a hard time making the trip to Kalangitan, and I didn't want to go through the same setbacks I faced during
my last trip to Tarlac. That's why I decided to just go back to Manila.
Everything worked out, though. I didn't get to see my Aeta brothers and sisters this past week, but I got to visit my sisters in prison twice. When I went to CIW on July 26th, I thought I'd just stay in the visiting area again, since it was a weekday. I was prepared to see only a few friends, like Ate S, Mommy P, Ate V, and anyone else who was brave enough to drop by the visiting area for a few minutes. But Mommy P asked two of the guards if I could go inside the prison compound, and they said yes. So I was able to see all my friends in Isolation (what they call the former death row).
Siyempre, masaya kaming lahat (Of course, we were all happy). I hadn't seen most of them for two weeks, due to the change in visitation policies, and I missed them terribly. It turned out they felt equally frustrated that I could no longer enter the prison on weekdays, even if the guards and inmates alike know that I visit everyone in Isolation.
I brought chocolates for all my friends. After Ate MB, Ate S, and I finished distributing the goodies, Ate JH asked everyone in the dorm: "What will you say, children?" All the inmates chorused: "Thank you!" We all cracked up.
Ang kulit rin nila. (They're so goofy and playful, too.)
I visited CIW again today--this time, with Sr. J, my new nun-friend. I only met her the other day. It turned out that she wanted to visit CIW, so she tagged along with me today. Surprisingly, she didn't mind eating there and staying there for the entire afternoon (the other nuns usually just go there for Mass and leave before lunchtime). And she bonded with my friends in Isolation. We have a little secret that will remain in the dorm, haha :)
I plan on visiting CIW again on Tuesday. God willing, Ate G's mom (who is flying in from Davao) will also be around then. Ate G hasn't seen her mother for nine years, so she's really looking forward to the visit. She asked me if I could drop by so I can meet her mom. I'll be happy to do that.
Whenever I visit my sisters in prison, I can see that they enjoy having me around. If they're happy, even if it's just for a few hours, then I'm happy, too. I can't believe I've journeyed with them for five years now. Despite my unworthiness, God chose me to do this kind of work.
What does the title of this post have to do with anything? Well, Sr. J described me as such this afternoon.
Sobra pa daw ako sa madre (I'm more than a sister). I cross boundaries that nuns tend to be conscious of (especially in this country, I suppose). She said the nuns couldn't do the things I do, like stay the night in a prison cell, because their primary commitment is to their communities. To be honest, I never saw myself--or the religious life--in that light, at least until we had that conversation.
Shortly before we left CIW, Sr. J added: "
Kung papasok ka, ito ang kailangan mong i-let go (If you enter the religious life, this [my ministry in CIW] is what you'll need to let go of.)"
"I know," I replied. "
'Yun ang dini-discern
ko (That's what I'm discerning)."
I found Sr. J's words both touching and thought-provoking. Tonight, I will continue to reflect on our conversation and its message for me.
Kung sobra pa ako sa madre dahil sa ginagawa ko sa CIW (if I'm more than a sister given what I do in CIW), what does that mean for me...and for the people who have become such a part of me?
I wonder if my questions about my life direction have just been answered. And I wonder if I need to let go of anything--or anyone--at all.
Because I can't sleep...
I'm blogging during my last night in Singapore :)
My last day here wasn't so bad. Everyone just went off and did their own thing, for the most part. I didn't want to go to shopping with my mom, my
ate, or my relatives, so I explored Singapore on my own. After making a pitstop at the Church of Sts. Peter and Paul, I visited the Singapore Art Museum. I wanted to visit the Singapore History Museum, as well, but I got lost. Some roads were closed on account of the construction near the Art Museum, so I got confused, and kept going around in circles. So I decided to just go wherever my feet would take me. I found my way to a train station that was close to a shuttle that would pass by Chinatown. I got lost again because I missed my stop, but I made it to Chinatown and back to my sister's apartment in one piece. I wanted to pass by Little India on my way home, but it was getting late, and I was worried everyone else might have already gone home. It turned out I was one of the first to arrive here.
My younger sister's good friends, P and E, stopped by to say goodbye. E's mom and aunt (a Good Shepherd sister) are currently in town, so they tagged along.
Ang kulit ng mga tao dito, grabe. Everyone's been teasing me to E ever since we met
kasi bagay daw kami. In fairness to him, he's a really nice guy. The funny thing is, I talked to his aunt more than I talked to him tonight; we talked mostly about the religious life. And I found out that his aunt, as well as his mom, want him to become a priest.
Ako naman, nire-recruit
sa kumbento. Haha :) Some things never change.
Wow. I can't believe we're going back to the Philippines in a few hours. My younger sister is going home next week, so I'm not too worried. If the weather improves, I'm going straight to Tarlac. If not, I'll go home to Manila with my family, at least for one night...hehe,
layas!
I did enjoy my trip. I didn't get to go around that much, but there's always next time, and I'm happy I know my way around now. As for my previous
post, I don't even know where that came from. Charge it to PMS.
Live from Singapore!
Well, I've been here in Singapore for the past four days, but I didn't get to update my blog till tonight. I'm staying in my younger sister's apartment. I'm with my mom, my older sister, my grandparents, three of my aunties, and one of my uncles. My sister has a roommate, whose friend arrived last night and is in and out of the apartment.
Isang barangay talaga kami dito. As you can see, I don't really have a lot of time to myself, let alone privacy.
My vacation is going smoothly. Singapore reminds me a lot of Makati, as well as the more cosmopolitan areas of Cebu. I like the way everything is accessible by public transportation. And I do appreciate the cleanliness and orderliness of this place--although I can see the tradeoffs of living here (
naman!). I've visited several places, like the Asian Civilization museum, the Merlion, Sentosa, Orchard Road (a must-see on Sundays). I've also had a taste of the nightlife here. I would have wanted to do more sight-seeing, or even make a side trip to Malaysia. But I can only do so much when most of my relatives prefer to go shopping (which happens to be my least favorite activity). Or when my grandparents can't visit that many places for obvious reasons. Or when there's this unspoken rule about visiting the same places as much as possible.
I have to admit that this vacation has also been a "stretching" experience for me. After living in the States for four years, I've gotten so used to having my own life and being able to just go off and do my own thing. I'm not used to being around so many people or adjusting to so many people's needs or preferences--even if I'm dealing with my relatives. So I'd get really uncomfortable if someone would move my stuff around without my knowledge, or if I'd be told to move from one place in the apartment to another because I was supposedly in the way, even if I was just using my laptop, or if I'd find out we couldn't visit to certain places because some relatives were too tired to walk around.
After being away for such a long time and not spending that much time with my relatives during my vacations in the Philippines, I've also realized how much I've grown and matured in terms of my beliefs, and how I view the world differently, compared to most of my relatives. I don't have to apologize for my views, but I've had to watch my mouth so many times...like when a relative who shall remain unnamed would extol the "virtues" of martial law, or refer to the women prisoners or indigenous people I visit in such a condescending manner. I've been tried for my patience in so many ways. Weirdly enough, there have been times when I felt like a total stranger around certain relatives. At least I'm honest about my feelings.
I have no regrets about being here, though. I've bonded so much with my younger sister, and I'm glad I got to meet her friends and see her world. Of course I've also bonded with my mom and my older sister. And I got to catch up with my relatives. That has to count for something, since I don't really get to spend that much time with my extended family whenever I go home.
I'm going back to the Philippines in two days, so I'll get my life back before I know it. And when I go back to the States, I know I'll miss my family, period.
What I've been up to
Hello everyone! To all those who continue to visit my blog despite the lack of updates, thank you so much!
It's hard to believe this is the third week of my vacation. I'm just enjoying the present moment. Some of my activities may seem boring or uneventful to others,
pero masaya naman ako sa ginagawa ko, and that's what matters. So here are the highlights of my vacation thus far:
My visits to CIW
During my first week here, I spent most of my time at the Correctional Institution for Women (CIW). I visited my friends in CIW every other day from July 4th (my first day here) through July 11th (the day before I left for Tarlac). And I slept in the dorm formerly known as death row on June 8th.
Siyempre, nag-bonding
ulit kami ng mga kaibigan ko doon. Nag-videoke
pa kami and we even took some pictures. Before we went to bed, Ate M told me, "
Para na tayong pamilya." She's right.
Wala na talaga silang pinagkaiba sa akin.
It's just as well that I visited CIW a lot during my first week here. At that time, I was still allowed to go inside the prison compound on weekdays, so I got to see everyone. Since the death penalty has been abolished, my friends are now on life imprisonment without the possibility of parole. They only got their papers certifying such on July 5th. The new rules applying to visits with them took effect a week later. Inmates with life sentences or less and their visitors are expected to stay in the visiting area, which is outside the prison compound, on weekdays. That means Ate S, the person listed on my visitor's pass, is the only inmate I can visit on weekdays. If anyone besides Ate S wants to see me on weekdays,
kailangan nilang sumimple sa visiting area. They can only stay there for a few minutes; inmates who are officers and/or are close to the administration have more leeway. I can only go inside the prison and see everyone on Sundays and special occasions.
I only found out about the change of visitation policies when I visited CIW yesterday. I don't mind such a setup. What's important is that
the death penalty no longer exists. But I can't deny that I miss everyone else.
Anyhow, I was lucky I was able to see a few other friends in CIW yesterday, besides Ate S. D, Ate J, and Lola had visitors, so I was able to say hello to them. Mommy P, an officer, got permission to go to the visiting area. I also saw Ate G, Ate V, and Ate A, who dropped by the visiting area at different times. I was so touched when Ate A told me she went to the visiting area just so she could see me and hug and kiss me.
Ate S told me Ate MB (who is in charge of the former death row) would submit a request for me to be allowed inside the prison compound on weekdays. But it takes at least two weeks for the request to be processed. In the meantime, I have to reserve all my Sundays for my visits to CIW just so I can see everyone.
My trip to Tarlac
I spent most of last week in Tarlac.
I visited my friends in Kalangitan, an Aeta resettlement area that I've been visiting since I was 12. I went there at the height of the typhoon so my trip was quite an adventure. To top it off, I was with a lay missionary from Eastern Europe who had absolutely no sense of time and urgency. She was the major cause of delay in our commute to Kalangitan. Even if we were anxious to take a tricycle to the area, she decided to check her e-mail in Capas and she took forever in shopping for food.
Naiwanan tuloy kami ng tricycle
na inarkila namin kaya inabutan kami ng bagyo.
The warm welcome I received from the community made up for everything, though. I stayed with two different Aeta families. I visited other families in the area, as well, and did some catching up with the youth, who have a special place in my heart. Ate Tessie and Ate Gay (with whom I stayed on different nights) told me that even if I were show up unannounced, I'm always welcome there
kasi kapamilya na raw nila ako. I'm so touched.
With the youth in KalangitanToo bad I had to leave a day earlier than planned because I had no clean or dry clothes left. But I'm going back there next week. I can hardly wait!
Quality time with family and friends
Self-explanatory. Haha, sorry
tamad na ako magsulat. Basta, I'm just enjoying my time with my loved ones. And I've been spending more time with my family. *wink*
I'm leaving for Singapore in two hours and I haven't packed yet, so I have to cut this short. More later.
Take care, everyone!
I'm Home!
Hello everyone! Greetings from our house in Quezon City.
I had a safe flight to the Philippines. My flight was slightly delayed, but it wasn't so bad. I didn't sleep the night before my flight because I was busy packing and cleaning my apartment till the very last minute. I just crashed during my very long flight.
I arrived in Manila on July 3rd, at around 10PM (9AM, Chicago time). My dad picked me up at the airport. My youngest sister (the only one living in the house these days) was fast asleep when I got home, so I didn't get to talk to her till this morning. My mom and my older sister were in Tacloban for the fiesta, and they just got back tonight. I haven't seen my other siblings yet. One of my sisters doesn't live at home right now because she's busy reviewing for the bar exam (pray for her), and my other sister is based in Singapore. My brother (who doesn't live here all the time) was also fast asleep when I arrived and when I went out today. He was gone by the time I got back.
Haha, first day
ko pa lang dito, gumala na ako kaagad. I didn't want to stay home today because no one else was around, anyway. (My sister went to school and my dad went to work.) So I visited my friends in CIW this morning. They were all so happy to see me. They couldn't believe that I'd just arrived last night and that I went to CIW without even seeing my mom and my other sisters first. They cracked up when I reasoned out: "
Mamayang hapon pa uuwi ang nanay ko at ang ate ko galing sa probinsya. Eh di mamayang hapon na rin ako uuwi."
Pasaway pa rin daw ako. Tita E added: "
Tarantado ka talaga," but she thought my line of reasoning was hilarious. Ate R, Ate V, Mommy P, and several others pointed out that I must really love them so much to visit them right away, even if I hadn't rested that much and I hadn't seen other members of my family yet. I just smiled. They're right.
I gave them some lotion, body wash, and bars of soap. They each picked an item they wanted. I was so touched when Ate AN and Ate JY proudly showed me what was left of the body wash and lotion I gave them last Christmas.
Tinitipid daw nila talaga 'yung mga binibigay ko. Aww... I don't mind giving them stuff because they always appreciate whatever I give them and they could always use some toiletries and cosmetics, anyway. It turned out I had extra bars of soap so Ate MB asked someone to give them to Nanay W and other elderly inmates who had no visitors.
Some inmates gave me stuff, too. Ate T gave me a rosary she just made, while Ate Y gave me a cellphone case. Ate V and Ate S gave me books and other literature on the death penalty. Ate S also gave me a book on spirituality.
Nakaka-touch talaga. How can I not love them?
I was able to rest for a bit at CIW--Mommy P insisted that I lie down after we ate lunch, so I did just that. While I was resting, Ate G (who asked me to stay beside her) and I did some catching up. Ate S also gave me a massage before Ate MB and I distributed the
pasalubong I brought. Ate Y and Ate V later provided
merienda. I enjoyed spending time and catching up with my sisters in prison. We even talked about my studies and my prospective dissertation topic. I stayed in CIW till visiting hours were over, and I plan on going back. I hope I can sleep there soon.
Good night, everyone! If I don't blog for a while, that means I'm busy gallivanting and spending time with the people I love.
Written on July 5, 2006, 12:32AM
Off to the Philippines!
To all those who prayed for me, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I'm leaving for the Philippines in a few hours. I was able to get a flight for today, thank God. At least I no longer have to wait till Thursday the 6th. That makes a huge difference. So thank you for all your prayers.
I didn't really do anything much over the past couple of days. I tried to do some homework, but I couldn't concentrate at all because I was just too stressed out about my trip.
Other than that, I met up with my good friend, Sr. Xaveriana (from Indonesia). She is currently assigned to my
Groovy Sisters' new mission area in St. Kitts, but she's here for the summer. She took a course at my school last week, so we met up and hung out twice. She even visited my apartment and showed me pictures of St. Kitts. If anything good came out of the delay in my trip to the Philippines, it has to be the time we spent together.
Sobrang mahal ko 'yung madreng 'yon. I've known her for three years now. I was already here when she came to Chicago in October of 2003 to study English (before leaving for Antigua in December of 2004), and we got along instantly. She puts up with my
kakulitan and my childishness, haha. :) I love the way she looks out for me. We don't get to talk that much, and we don't really keep in touch through e-mail when she's in St. Kitts. But we're as close as we were when she still lived here. It's hard to explain the bond we share...it simply exists. She said she was really happy to see me. I miss her already.
I got to visit the other sisters, as well. After she finished her course, Sr. Xaveriana went to the community/novitiate in my neighborhood for the weekend. The sister who picked her up at her dorm is also a close friend of mine, and when she found out I was still around, she wanted to see me. She invited me to come with her and Sr. Xaveriana on spur of the moment, so I went with them. I ended up hanging out at their place the whole afternoon, and I even stayed for dinner. I enjoyed seeing and catching up with the other sisters, which is something I haven't done for the longest time. The sisters treat me like I'm one of them. And in a lot of ways, they've become my family here in Chicago.
I also met up with a friend from school. We met during the service trip to Honduras, and we became really close. We hung out at her apartment last night before I did last minute
pasalubong shopping. It was nice to catch up with her.
Okay, I gotta finish packing. My aunt is picking me up in three hours, and I still haven't slept, let alone cleaned my apartment. Pray for me, everyone. Please pray that I have a safe, hassle-free flight...and that I finish cleaning my apartment before I leave.
Take care, everyone!
found herself @ 11:08 PM
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