Sexy, Innocent Child-Woman

Blog anniv

Today is my blog's first year anniversary. Happy birthday to my blog! =)

found herself @ 5:47 PM 0 comments

Memories

For R

I heard fireworks exploding in my neighborhood as I was walking home last night. And I suddenly remembered you. Our closeness. Your visit here. The times we shared.

There were fireworks the night both of us felt there was something going on between us--the undeniable chemistry, the unspoken attraction.

There were fireworks the night you told me you loved me.

In five days, it will have been exactly one year since we fell in love. So many things have taken place since then.

Tonight, I will watch the fireworks. But you are no longer here with me.

Sometimes, I wonder if you ever remember what we once were. Or if the love we shared meant something to you at some point. But I doubt it.

Tonight, I feel the stinging presence of your absence.

My heart bleeds.

found herself @ 5:07 PM 0 comments

For my troubled sister

Now I know why God enabled me to become a good listener through the years. And why God led me to Chicago, even if all but one sister in the Philippines discouraged me from coming here. And why God allowed our paths to cross shortly after I got here. Even if I'm not a nun and Lord knows what I'm gonna do with my life, it is safe to say I understand you better than most of the sisters do. Since I'm an outsider, I'm more impartial and I can help you look at your issues from a different perspective. I've always been thankful--and honored--that you trust me enough to share your vulnerable side and indeed, your true self with me, instead of being so conscious about maintaining a certain image as a nun. Whatever you share with me, I keep to myself. Unlike certain nuns in your community, I don't go around blabbing your business to the other nuns, only for them to use it against you.

Because of your openness about your vocation stories and your experiences and struggles since your days as a novice, you've demystified the religious life for me little by little. You don't know how much that has helped me. Whatever decision I make, I know and I trust that it will be an informed decision. And I owe you a lot for that.

I just wish you'd be happier in the kind of life you chose for yourself after several years of discernment. We both know that the religious life is not a bed of roses, but I still wish the sisters you live with and/or report to wouldn't give you the heartaches you're experiencing now. I get affected by your struggles. Whenever you tell me that the pressures of religious life get to you and lead you to consider leaving the convent, I get scared--even if I know I'd support you 101% in whatever decision you make. When you cried yesterday, it broke my heart. Because I know you so well, I know your heart is in the religious life, even if the human side of it (i.e. the pettiness and jealousy of some sisters) gets to you sometimes. I know it can be a challenge to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, with all the discrepancies between what the religious life and Christian discipleship is supposed to be about and the behavior of some people in the Church, including the congregation you're part of. I just hope and pray that you won't give up.

Hang in there, my dear sister. I love you, baby.

found herself @ 4:13 PM 4 comments

Bati na kami

To everyone who dropped me a line, extended their support, and offered their advice about how to handle my misunderstanding with my nun-friend, thank you so much. (You know who you are.) Bati na kami.

Sr. MM2 called on the night of Friday the 24th. I was with my other nun-friends (from the congregation I frequently visit) at that time because Sr. Dinah renewed her vows that day and we had dinner at the motherhouse right after. I had turned off my cellphone right before the ceremony and didn't remember to turn it back on right away, so I didn't get Sr. MM2's message till I got home. In her message, she mentioned that she wanted to apologize for what happened last Thursday night. She explained that she was having a bad day then because she had just found out that her flight got cancelled and that she now had to get a transient visa in advance in order to make a stopover in London (apparently, the Immigration people just imposed stricter rules for Nigerians). Of course, I didn't know about all these sudden changes the night I went to her apartment. At any rate, she claimed that because she was having a bad day, she didn't know what she was thinking/doing. She wanted to meet up with me in person "for reconciliation," as she put it, because she didn't want me to bear a grudge toward her. Sr. MM2 also asked me if I could go to her apartment to pick up the jacket of Sr. Carol, since Sr. Carol had left her jacket there when Sr. MM2 invited us over last June 19th (the morning after I stayed up all night to pack her things).

I waited for more than 24 hours before I decided to call Sr. MM2 back because I still felt awkward about the whole thing. Anyway, when I finally called her last night, she reiterated her message. She added that whenever she acts "crazy" for one reason or another, it means she's having a bad day and she doesn't know what she is thinking. Personally, I believe there is still something to be said about her being demanding and stubborn. But I can't change her and I have to accept her as she is, so if that's her side of the story, so be it. At least I know how to deal with her now. This will come in handy, since she's coming back in April for medical check-ups and she'll be staying with the congregation I frequently visit. Anyway, despite my initial awkwardness and predominantly monosyllabic ("Yes"/"No") answers, I accepted her apology. I also said sorry for walking out on her, if it offended her. I explained that I walked out because our discussion was getting really fruitless and I would have set something mean if I hadn't walked away. She just listened to me when I explained my side and I'm thankful for that.

It turned out I didn't need to pick up Sr. Carol's jacket anymore. Sr. MM2 couldn't wait for me to return her call, so she just decided to call Sr. Carol that morning, and Sr. Carol dropped by her place promptly. So I didn't have a reason to go to Sr. MM2's place anymore. She asked me when she'd see me before she leaves (her flight was rescheduled to July 3rd), and I told her I couldn't promise anything because I really have a lot of work to catch up on this week and I'm visiting my nun-friends and my good friend Elizabeth in Michigan this weekend. So I just gave her my e-mail address and mailing address, and she promised to keep in touch. Sr. MM2 also thanked me for helping her pack and clean up and for my role in her life. I thanked her, too.

So bati na kami. I know from experience that it can be challenging to deal with older nuns, especially when they're so set in their ways and they get overly defensive and unreasonable when someone challenges them. (As I joked to Sr. Dinah, mahirap magpalaki ng matandang madre.) So I'm just relieved that Sr. MM2 and I are friends again, and that we reconciled soon enough.

found herself @ 3:33 PM 2 comments

Strike 3

AAAARGH!!!

Hindi naman ako war freak. I'm just really honest/frank, especially with my friends, and even if they're being bull-headed about certain things, I won't change my position just to let them hear what they want to hear.

I got into a fight with another nun-friend last night and I need to blow off steam, so bear with me. God. Kina-career ko yata talaga ang pakikipag-away sa mga madre ngayong taon. First I had a fight with Sr. M. Then I got into a misunderstanding with Sr. MM. And last night, I had an argument with Sr. MM2. (All their names start with the letter M. Is that a coincidence or am I just prone to getting into fights with nuns whose names start with the letter M?)

Sr. MM is moving back to Nigeria on June 28th and I've been helping her pack her things since last weekend. Natulog pa nga ako sa apartment niya last Saturday (June 18th), kahit biglaan lang, because it turned out I had to pack three suitcases and repack two other huge suitcases. Ang dami niyang gamit and I didn't want her to pay for excess baggage--which she didn't want to do, as well. There were times when she got really bossy and demanding (like when she ordered me to fit her crucifix and other religious icons into her already packed suitcase, which she was gonna use as her carry-on luggage, among other things) but I just put up with it. Even when she complained to the high heavens about the limits in the baggage allowance, the tight, post-9/11 security checks, and the exorbitant excess baggage fee (which she wanted to avoid because there are so many people dying of hunger in Africa, and the money she had left could feed a lot of people) late at night (or early in the morning), and I was getting really tired, I kept my mouth shut. Part of me wanted to let her have it (I wanted to tell her, "Kung hindi ka lang madre, pinatulan na kita."), pero pinagbigyan ko na lang siya. I had to clean her apartment as soon as I woke up the following day (June 19th), but I didn't complain. And when she called me last Monday (June 20th) to ask me if I could help her finish packing tonight and if I could stay the night again so I could clean her apartment upon waking up the following day, I still agreed to come by, even if I had to move my work schedule around.

Last night, we got into a stupid fight over how to read the weighing scale. She didn't believe me when I weighed her suitcase and found that it was over 100 pounds, and insisted that the numbers stood for kilograms. She didn't believe me when I told her that as far as I knew, there were 2.2 pounds in one kilogram, and insisted it was the other way around. She went off-tangent on a lot of things, claiming it was her weighing scale so she should know how to read it, yada yada yada. I just got pikon when she "talked shit" about a friend I had called earlier to ask for advice on how to read a weighing scale and such. She had the nerve to comment: "Your friend, he doesn't have all the knowledge, does he?" That was uncalled for. When you get into an argument, shouldn't you stick to the issue at hand?!!! I got so fed up and I felt it would be counter-productive for me to stick around if we couldn't even agree on how to read a weighing scale. So I walked out.

I could have sworn she was laughing when she called out after me, "You don't have to get so mad."

"Look for someone else to help you pack," I retorted. And I headed home without looking back.

found herself @ 2:05 PM 2 comments

A weekend with the nuns

*NOTE: I rarely write about my discernment issues, but I need to get some things off my chest, so I'm blogging about it. If this post bores you, skip it. You have been forewarned.*

I hung out with my nun-friends over the weekend--something that I haven't done for the past several months. I used to spend a lot of time with them last year. Their novitiate/student's community is pretty close to where I live, so I used to visit them once or twice a month and even more frequently during the summer. Whenever I'd come back from the Philippines, I'd visit them during my first weekend back here, as a "ritual" to ease me back into my life in Chicago. But all that changed after I got back from the Philippines in mid-January.

It's hard to explain why that happened. There were circumstances beyond my control, to begin with. I didn't get to visit them the weekend after I got back from the Philippines because there was a blizzard, so I couldn't go anywhere. I got the flu the following weekend, and I had so much schoolwork to catch up on after I recovered.

On a personal level, there was a lot going on with me. I suddenly had serious issues with the life direction I've been discerning for the past four years--that is, entering the religious life. My common sense told me to face my issues squarely and to continue visiting the nuns because they had nothing to do with my issues and they'd still be my good friends and erstwhile support system here, no matter what. But just when I was about to schedule a visit, I got into a misunderstanding with one of the nuns, whom I will call Sr. MM (from India). Sr. MM, who is tactless and assumes we're close friends, called me shortly after I recovered from the flu just to scold me and lecture me about what I should do with my life. She nagged me about making more definite decisions about my discernment, like taking a leave of absence once I finish my coursework in August, or finishing with my MA instead of my Ph.D. in Sociology to enter the convent. When I told her I didn't even want to think of entering the convent yet at that time, she told me, "Then get married." (Gawd! I don't even have a boyfriend. How in the world can I get married?! And what if I don't want to get married?) Sr. MM also got on my case about my attachment to the Philippines. She insinuated that I should enter the convent here because of the shortage of vocations in the U.S. When I told her that if I ever consider the religious life, I would hypothetically enter the convent in the Philippines, she told me pointedly: "You're too attached to your country." I couldn't help but retort: "What's so bad about being attached to my country?" She quickly clarified that she didn't mean there was anything wrong about my attachment to the Philippines, but she didn't stop lecturing me. She even used herself as an example of someone who acted on her discernment at a young age and detached herself from her family and (for now) her country.

Sr. MM's remarks made me so uncomfortable. You can just imagine how rattled I was when we had that conversation. To think I haven't even completely decided on the path I want to pursue! Ayokong dinidiktahan ako, so whenever someone tries to tell me what I should do with my life and imposes their judgment/will on me, I get pissed. And when I'm pissed, wala akong sinasanto, kahit madre (hehe, Waray yata ako). So I made it clear to Sr. MM that I wasn't too happy with the way she called me just to scold and nag me (She didn't get it, though. She thought--and still thinks--I got mad at her for scolding me about something else, not the discernment piece.) And I decided to lie low on visiting them. Although the vocation and novice directress, always told me I was free to decide what to do with my life and none of the other sisters ever pressured me about making a decision soon, I suddenly felt I shouldn't visit the nuns that much so they wouldn't get any false hopes or become overfamiliar with me, as Sr. MM did. I also felt I needed space to sort out my personal issues. So before last weekend, I only visited the nuns twice--in late February and during Palm Sunday Weekend. Those visits happened on spur of the moment, and it took some persistence on their part before I agreed to visit them.

I didn't completely lose touch with the nuns, though. Sr. Dinah, a Filipina nun and a close friend of mine, kept in touch. I updated her about what was going on in my life, including my discernment. I also e-mailed the postulant directress, who checks up on me via phone and e-mail every so often. And I invited some of the nuns over when I turned 25 last month. But for some reason, I subconsciously distanced myself from them. For the past several months, I preferred to have them visit me, instead of visiting them myself. I guess part of me wanted to see how long I could live my life with minimal contact with them.

I did move on with my life. I was pretty busy with school, my thesis, work, and job/scholarship-hunting for the past couple of months, anyway, so I didn't miss the nuns that much. There were times when I would stop to reflect on the changes in my life, but I would always tell myself, "So far, my life without the nuns is okay. It's not as strange or empty as I thought it would be." So I decided to continue moving on. I even told some of my nun-friends in the Philippines, as well as a friend who once entered their congregation but left for health reasons, that my vocation flew out the window and I was no longer attracted to the religious life. I told them I wasn't closing my doors to other lifestyles, which they respected.

It took a close nun-friend's visit to Chicago to make me visit the nuns again. Sr. Xaveriana (from Indonesia), who is now assigned to Antigua, is in town at the moment. She's based in the main convent, which is hard to reach by public transportation, and she's been busy with retreats, workshops, and such, so I didn't get to see her right away. Last Friday (June 10th), just when I was about to give up on the prospect of seeing her before she goes back to Antigua on Wednesday the 15th, she e-mailed me to inform me that she was staying at the community in my neighborhood and invited me to come over the following day.

And so last Saturday (June 11th), I ended up staying at the novitiate/students' community all day. I spent the whole afternoon listening to Sr. Xaveriana's stories about Antigua and her ministry with prisoners and the elderly and just catching up with her. I also met the nuns who recently joined the community, Sr. Magda (from Indonesia) and Sr. Monica (from Argentina). I touched base with Sr. Kristina (from Indonesia), who missed me all this time. Sr. Magda and I clicked instantly, and Sr. Kristina and I bonded more than we ever did before. They told me I'd better continue visiting them even after Sr. Xaveriana leaves. I came to realize that it was unfortunate that my rift with Sr. MM and my "disappearing act" had to affect them and that it was unfair for me to take my issues out on the community. We would have become friends earlier, if I hadn't let my issues get in the way. I've been complaining about how lonesome I've been ever since Johnna left for Taiwan, without realizing that God sent other people to keep me company all this time. I was just too self-absorbed and indifferent to care. I was also paranoid for some time about the way most of the people in my circle here in Chicago happen to be nuns and what that means for me. Now, I've decided not to let that affect me. What's so bad about having a lot of friends who are nuns? They're people, too, and it just so happens that their lifestyle differs from mainstream culture. But it doesn't mean they can't be my friends.

Ironically, Sr. MM's graduation paved the way for me to spend more time with the nuns last weekend. She invited me to attend her graduation yesterday, and I said yes, since I had nothing to do that day and I had no reason to avoid her because she already knows where I'm coming from. Since we've remained civil despite our differences, ayokong palakihin 'yung issue namin. I'm glad I decided to attend her graduation. I got to hang out and bond with Sr. Xaveriana, Sr. Magda, and Sr. Kristina during the graduation ceremony. And since the sisters invited people over for lunch after Sr. M's graduation, I got to catch up with many other nun-friends I haven't seen for the longest time. It turned out several nuns would have wanted to attend my graduation, had I told them about it. Medyo nagparinig 'yung ibang madre na I graduated in secret daw. Oops. And as early as now, they've told me that they'll be there when I graduate with my Ph.D. and they'd want to throw another party/get-together just for me. Sr. Xaveriana and Sr. Magda even assured me that they'd make the trip here all the way from Antigua and Mexico, respectively (their area of assignment). Aww...how sweet. =)

On a more positive note, I feel like there was no time lost between me and my nun-friends. When I visited them, joined them for Mass, tagged along with them to one sister's renewal of vows yesterday, and just hung out with them, I felt like I hadn't been away or missing in action at all. Weird. I don't know what that means.

I'm not gonna lie. When I'm with my nun-friends, I feel like I'm one of them, in some ways. And even if I don't do anything much, I don't want to be anywhere else but in the convent. It's hard to explain, but the attraction (?) is there. I almost want to delete the words I just typed, if only to make the feeling less real, but I can't deny it. No matter where I go, God runs after me, catches up with me, and brings me back to myself--and God's heart. Time and again, God has shown me how faithful S/He is. Ayokong magsalita nang patapos and I know I have so many fears and concerns right now, but I have a sneaking suspicion that J.C. will win me over in His time and place...in spite of my unworthiness.

found herself @ 10:22 PM 4 comments

Dahil makulit si Lord

I came across this poem about three years ago. I suddenly remembered it yesterday and I just felt like posting it. Also, the weekend I spent with my nun-friends gave me a lot to think about. I'm still processing it, so in the meantime, I'll just post the poem to symbolize what's on my mind.

Hay...all I can say is makulit si Lord. AS IN!!! Just when I thought I had resolved certain issues that were troubling me over the past couple of months, God challenged me to step out of my security and comfort zones. And just when I thought my vocation flew out the window, God made a way for me to spend time with the nuns this past weekend. I thought I would just spend time catching up with my close nun-friend who is here from Antigua for a brief visit. But in the process, I ended up reconnecting with a part of myself that I had set aside, a part of myself that I thought no longer existed until last Saturday (June 11th).

I'm still scared and uncertain about what the future holds, but somehow I know everything's gonna be all right. And wherever I go, God is walking with me.

found herself @ 5:40 PM 2 comments

Birth announcement (hehe)

After nine months of hard work--and hibernation/lack of contact with the outside world-- I "gave birth" to a complete, 122-page draft of my master's thesis on June 9, 2005, at 7AM. I am very grateful for all the prayers and support I received from everyone, including "blog-mates" like you. There were so many times when I felt like giving up, but I know your encouragement made a difference.

*Special thanks to JP and JoEl for listening to me think aloud and/or rant about my thesis, as well as my buhay-America blues in general. Hehe, usap tayo minsan.*

I'm still waiting for feedback from my advisor, and I'm sure I need to make more revisions, in addition to the revisions I made last month. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm sooo happy, thankful, and relieved that my thesis is (almost) out of the way, so I can get my hard-earned master's degree once and for all. Speaking of which, come August 2005, I will officially have my MA. Life is good.

found herself @ 11:55 PM 2 comments

Another survey...

Fay sent me this a couple of days ago:

Three names you go by:

1. Diana (what most people in my family, my high school friends, and friends and acquaintances here in the States call me)
2. Diane (what my mom calls me when she's not mad; what my half-brother calls me; what my college friends, former officemates, and people in the communities I've worked with call me)
3. Yan (what some people in my family and a few friends call me)

Three screen names you have had:

1. Soul Seeker
2. Dianegwapa
3. Moonchild

Three physical things you like about yourself:

1. My eyes (expressive daw, according to many)
2. My smile
3. My cup size

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:

1. My thighs
2. My butt
3. My pimples and blackheads

Three parts of your heritage:

1. Portuguese (height and bone structure, waah!)
2. Waray
3. Cebuano

Three things that scare you:

1. Cockroaches
2. Spiders
3. Snakes

Three of your everyday essentials:

1. Face powder
2. Cherry flavored chapstick (pareho tayo, Fay!)
3. Lotion

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. V-necked shirt
2. Denim skirt
3. Flip-flops with a rainbow motif (which a friend dubbed my "gay slippers")

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists:

1. The Corrs
2. River Maya
3. The Company

Ako rin, I wish I could list more ;)

Three of your favorite songs:

1. Sana'y Wala Nang Wakas--Sharon Cuneta (pang-videoke)
2. Now that I Have You--The Company
3. Muntik Na Kitang Minahal--The Company

Again, I wish I could list more ;)

My recent faves:

1. Pakisabi Na Lang--The Company (remade by Aiza Seguerra)
2. Huwag Na Huwag Mong Sasabihin--Kitchie Nadal
3. In My Heart--Bukas Palad

Three things you want in a relationship:

1. Love
2. Friendship
3. Trust and unconditional acceptance

Two truths & a lie: (in no particular order)

1. Infectious laugh
2. Martyr pagdating sa pag-ibig
3. Obedient child

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:

1. Eyes
2. Hands
3. Smile (I originally wrote "something that depends on the person's gender," but you might think I'm some kind of a pervert, so I changed my answer.)

Three of your favorite hobbies:

1. Day-dreaming
2. Sleeping
3. Blogging

Three things you want to do really badly now:

1. Rest
2. Go on a gimmick with somebody
3. Go to the beach

Three careers you're considering/you've considered:

1. Teaching/research
2. Social development work
3. Journalism

I wish I could add more ;)

Three places you want to go on vacation:

1. Antigua
2. Europe (especially Eastern Europe)
3. Anywhere in Africa

Three kid's names you like:

1. Agnes
2. Nina
3. Magdalene

Three things you want to do before you die:

1. Do prison reform/anti-death penalty work
2. Publish a book (or several books)
3. Visit Antigua and any country in Africa, Latin America, and Europe (halata bang layas ako?)

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:

1. I don't like shopping.
2. Hindi ako nagbibihis.
3. I have crushes on girls (and get really torpe around them).

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:

1. I'm very intuitive/perceptive.
2. Kikay
3. Malambing at maalaga

Three celeb crushes:

1. Raymond Bagatsing
2. Rio Locsin (sorry tita, crush ko po kayo)
3. Mena Suvari

Three people that i would like to see take this quiz now:

1. cj
2. stinkeri
3. i.n.

Happy weekend, everyone!

found herself @ 8:47 PM 2 comments

In response to Teacher Sol's questions

Teacher Sol invited me to participate in her Interview Game, in which she asked me five unique questions. Here are my answers:

1. What TV show best resembles your life?

Maalaala Mo Kaya--because I have a dramatic life. You could seriously make several episodes about my life.

2. Were you ever afraid of something when you were a kid? What was it? Why?

I was afraid of the dark. I had to sleep with the light on and I went crazy during brownouts--especially if I happened to be taking a bath at that time. I don't know why I was afraid of the dark. I guess I was afraid of ghosts and other bad things that could happen in the dark.

3. What made you decide to make a difference in the lives of the women inside the correctional?

That's a long story, hehe =) During my stint as a program officer in Ateneo's Office for Social Concern and Involvement (OSCI), Correctional Institution for Women (CIW) was one of my areas. I took a group of freshmen there for an exposure trip in July 2001, so I had to visit the place beforehand. I was initially afraid and uncertain about how to interact with the inmates so I was surprised when I felt at home with them from the start--even if the ladies I met happened to be on death row. Ang gaan talaga ng loob ko sa kanila. They were and still are normal people, after all. Some of them may have done something wrong (related to drugs, most of the time), and many others got framed up or implicated in the offenses of "significant others" (like a boyfriend and/or a family member). But they were still people, regardless, and deserved to be treated as such. I wanted to get to know them better, and I got a sense that having visitors meant a lot to them--especially since one inmate asked me if I could go back there at my own convenience, even if there wasn't an exposure trip. I also had a crush on someone who was on death row at that time, so that was an incentive to visit CIW. =)

And so I went back to CIW several months later. I tagged along with my contact at Philippine Jesuit Prison Service (PJPS) whenever he went there to do paralegal work or bring volunteers/visitors. Later on, I ended up going there by myself to run errands for him or just to spend time with the women. I got really close to the women on death row, for reasons I can't explain. All I did was hang out with them, listen to them, and smoke cigarettes and play tong-its with them. I became close to them without realizing it. I came to consider them as my friends and even my surrogate older sisters and mother-figures. It was a sad day when I said goodbye to them to pursue graduate studies in the States. I knew it wasn't easy for them, but they were strong for me at that very moment and encouraged me to push through with my studies, assuring me that the years would go by so fast. Several inmates also told me how my presence itself meant a lot to them and thanked me for it. As one inmate said: "Akala mo lang wala kang ginagawa pero alam mo, 'yung pagpunta mo dito, malaking bagay na 'yon sa amin. Kinalimutan na kami ng mga pamilya namin." Her words really touched me.

Actually, I believe it was the other way around--the women in CIW made a difference in my life. They've been instrumental in drawing me closer to God (AS IN!) and in teaching me by example to be strong, to trust in God in the face of adversity, to value my relationships with others, especially my family, and to count my blessings. They've helped me become a better person and realize my calling in life. I've always been passionate about working for the poor and underprivileged in society. These women are among the poorest of the poor--as it is, they're socially disadvantaged on account of their gender and socio-economic status, and their incarceration has added a new dimension to their experience of poverty. That's why I see the urgency of working for and with them and seeking justice on their behalf. I continue to keep in touch with them and visit them whenever I go home--even if it means sacrificing my gimmicks or time with my other friends. Strangely enough, my being oceans apart from them only made me closer to them. Napamahal na sila sa akin at hindi na sila naiiba sa akin. And that is why I remain committed to making a difference in their lives.

I told you that was a long story, haha =)

4. Who among the women superheroes can you identify yourself with?

A lot, actually:

St. Agnes; St. Mary Magdalene (my patron saint); Mother Teresa of Calcutta; Sr. Helen Prejean, CSJ (my idol); Sr. Eva Fidela Maamo, SPC; Annie Sullivan (Helen Keller's teacher); Helen Keller; Lualhati Bautista; the character of Sr. Stella L. (in Mike de Leon's movie)

5. How do you define success?

I define success not so much in terms of what I have or what I've achieved (of course, those things matter, but they're not the end-all, be-all goal of my existence), but in terms of the extent to which I can serve others, touch lives, and work for justice.

And that's the end of this dissertation! Hehe =) Thank you for including me, Teacher Sol!

Peace out, y'all.

found herself @ 11:47 AM 2 comments

Blogging blooper

My internship supervisor just passed by my desk (on her way to a meeting) and I swear nahuli akong tumitingin sa blog ng may blog. I was checking out Peanut's blog then. Sabi niya, "That's okay," nung napansin niyang andaming windows na bukas sa computer ko, but still...nakakahiya.

Lie low muna ako.

found herself @ 11:37 AM 0 comments

If I Could...

Got this from Naked Vagitarian's blog. She wanted me to post my answers so please bear with me...(NOTE: medyo dinibdib ko yata 'to so napahaba 'yung mga sagot ko, hehe)

If I could be in one place right now, I'd be in the Philippines, visiting my friends on death row at Correctional Institution for Women (CIW). For some reason, no matter how bittersweet and depressing the circumstances are, whenever I'm there, I always get the sense that I'm in my Creator's house, doing what God wants me to do. I was really touched when several inmates told me my presence means a lot to them, especially those who have no one to visit them. If I had wings, I would fly to CIW in a heartbeat to spend time with them and accompany them through their struggles, pains, as well as simple joys and hopes in life.

If I could give something of myself to my friends in CIW, I would share my life with them and do as love demands (as Sr. Helen Prejean put it). I would get involved in the work of Philippine Jesuit Prison Service (PJPS) and undergo training as a paralegal to follow up on their cases and hopefully, help free those who were wrongfully accused and incarcerated. I would give my friends in CIW the gift of myself--my love, my non-judgmental attitude, and my presence.

If I could take some people somewhere, I would take my friends in CIW out of prison and bring them wherever they want to go--to their communities/hometowns so they can be with their loved ones, or to other places they've always wanted to visit. I know just being in free society would mean so much to them.

If I could make one dream come true, I would set free all prisoners who are really innocent, as well as those who have been given stiff penalties for minor, non-violent offenses and have truly changed ever since they were incarcerated. Having volunteered at CIW for the past four years of my life, I have met so many people who fit such a description.

If I could do real magic, I'll definitely eradicate all forms of social oppression and bigotry--including homophobia, misogyny, racism, poverty (all of which are interrelated), and religious discrimination--and make this world a better place for everyone.


Now I get to invite other bloggers so they can have their say on their "If I could" versions:

found herself @ 12:02 PM 1 comments