Sexy, Innocent Child-Woman

Post-Holy Week reflections

Happy Easter, everyone! Hope you had a meaningful, grace-filled Holy Week and the chance to renew your relationship with our God.

***

I spent Holy Week by myself, for the most part. I had to work on Holy Thursday. I had to meet with two different non-profit organizations by myself because my OC supervisor told me she believed I could handle the meetings by myself from this point onward (yeah, right!). But I was able to make it to the service at Loyola just in time. Nakapag-adoration pa ako. On Good Friday, I attended the service at my parish. Loyola also had a prayer service commemorating the burial of Jesus later that evening, so nakahabol naman ako despite some things that got in the way. I've attended such a service twice so far (during Holy Week of 2003 and this past Holy Week), and it's always been a moving experience for me. I attended the Easter Vigil at the church in my school, and got to see some students get baptized and confirmed, which also moved me to tears. I also went to the mass at my school on Easter Sunday. I meant to go to the mass at Anawim Center, a Native American spiritual center that I worked with as part of my assistantship (they're under the Catholic church so they celebrate sacraments like the mass, and they integrate their Native traditions), but the place is a 30-minute train ride from my apartment, and it took me longer than usual to get ready. So I had only enough time to make it to the service at my school. In all of the services I attended, I was by myself. It felt kinda strange. During my first Holy Week here, I stayed with my friend/ex-roomie Elizabeth, who still lived in Chicago and got confirmed and became a Catholic at that time, so I had someone to go to church with. Last year, I spent Holy Week with Elizabeth again, this time at the motherhouse of the Grand Rapids Dominicans in Michigan, where she lives at the moment. So it felt strange to be alone this time around.

I couldn't go anywhere for Holy Week not only because of my schoolwork, but also because my mom's friend flew in from LA with her husband and daughter to check out different universities in Chicago that her daughter could attend for college. So I felt obligated to stick around. We had planned on getting together for brunch or lunch on Easter Sunday, but it turned into dinner. I couldn't even get together with my own relatives here for that reason. My cousin initially wanted to invite us--that's my uncle, her brother, her sister, and myself--for lunch, but she wasn't able to cook anything, so she decided to just get together at around 3:30PM. Well, I had made plans to meet up with my tita at 5PM and I needed to give myself about 45 minutes to get to their hotel in downtown Chicago. Since my cousin's apartment is north of where I live, I knew I wouldn't get to stay there for a long time (probably just 30 minutes) if I wanted to meet my tita at 5PM. So getting together with my relatives was out of the question. I decided to just stick around at my apartment and get some homework done before meeting up with my tita.

So after the mass yesterday, I came home to an empty apartment. My roommate was over at her aunt and uncle's house (her family obligations). Good thing she said I could have the pizza that she bought the other day for lunch. Otherwise, I would have had to go out...alone. Normally, I enjoy my solitude but there are times (like on special occasions) when it makes me feel lonely.

Yesterday afternoon, after the mass, I ended up making telebabad with Sr. Dinah, one of my close friends here. We've become so close ever since I moved out here and I guess it's because we're each other's support systems, since we're both Pinay and Bisaya. Even if she's a nun, I can be myself around her, and she can be herself around me, too. Hehe, I can cuss in front of her (or over the phone), and it's okay. She'll just tell me, "Okay lang yan. Pantanggal ng stress." I can show her my crazy, maldita side, and vice versa. She was on her way to the motherhouse to greet the sisters a "Happy Easter," when I called. In fact, she got there while we were talking, but she ended up hanging out in her car for the next three hours because she had a lot of stuff to share with me. I told her, had I known we would end up talking that long, I would have asked her to just stop by my apartment so we could hang out and chat in person. It's all good, though. I had lunch, gave myself a manicure, and even coded some data for my thesis throughout our conversation. Now I'm a certified multi-tasker!

Share ko lang...I know we're encouraged not to do any work on Good Friday, but I had no choice but to do laundry because I was running out of underwear and socks. Who would have thought that would turn out to be a crazy experience in itself? I threw my clothes in the washer about two hours before the Good Friday service, then cleaned my room for a bit and spent some time in prayer. I meant to move my clothes to the dryer before the service, but I was running late, and decided to just do that after the service. Well, someone decided to take my clothes out of the washer for me. I didn't want to go back and forth between the laundry room and my apartment just to check if the dryers were vacant, especially since I live on the fourth floor of the building. So once two dryers stopped spinning, I took out the clothers and put my clothes inside. I assumed the clothes in those dryers belonged to whoever it was (a guy, based on the clothes I saw) that took my clothes out of the washer. Big mistake. That person threw a tantrum, I heard, and tossed most of my clothes--take note, newly washed clothes--on the floor. I found out about it when I went back to the laundry room to check if my clothes were dry. This girl who was on her way out told me she had found my clothes on the floor and just put them on the table in the room. Good Lord. I didn't have enough energy to complain. So I just did my laundry from scratch.

The moral of the story: Thou shall not do laundry on Good Friday. Hehe.

found herself @ 4:11 PM 0 comments

Random nonsense

Hay...I don't know if there's something wrong with me or what. I've gotten into misunderstandings with two of my nun-friends, Sr. M and Sr. MM, all in a span of three months. Kina-career ko yata ang pakikipag-away sa mga madre lately. Seriously, though, it just so happened that they did something to hurt me and piss me off. As I said, I'm pretty easygoing but once you piss me off, the fighter in me comes out. Waray yata ako, hehe =) And I don't care if the person I fight with is a nun. Bakit, tao rin naman sila. Sometimes you have to challenge them just to remind them that they're still capable of hurting or offending others, be it through insensitive gestures or tactless remarks (or both).

Wala lang. I have an assignment due in three hours but I'm so pissed right now, so I just had to let it out.

found herself @ 2:50 PM 1 comments

Perennial senior moments

My memory is failing me. Help!

After blogging and random internet-surfing this afternoon, I decided to do research for my Philanthropy paper once and for all. I looked up the same information and almost painstakingly put everything together into a Word document. Good thing I had enough sense to check my e-mail to find out whether I had a copy of the same information in the e-mail I had sent my groupmates earlier this month. It turned out I had two files containing the same information I had set out to look for. Good, because part of my work was done. On the downside, it means I have really bad short-term memory.

This isn't the first time something like this happened. Last month, I was all set to do a PowerPoint presentation on the two research projects I had worked on (involving Chicago's Native American community) for a conference in my school that I presented on. Good thing I had enough sense to check my files on my folder at work (thank God Loyola's computers are networked). It turned out I had already done a PowerPoint presentation on those projects last September, in preparation for the seminar presentation I did with my supervisor, Dr. George, and Louis, who was a consultant for the research projects. On the one hand, I had my work cut out for me and I just had to tweak the PowerPoint presentation. On the other hand, it meant I had a really terrible memory.

When I was a child, I had a photographic memory. I don't know when my memory started going bad--during my college or post-college years, perhaps. Maybe smoking/drinking/partying all night/experimenting with God-knows-what-else and everything else in between have taken their toll. And maybe I do have a lot on my mind--that's what grad school does. At any rate, my memory is terrible at the moment. I can remember what I did last month more clearly, but don't ask me what I did yesterday, a few days ago, or last week because I can't remember that. Heck, there are times when I can't even remember what I did earlier during the day. To think I'm only 24!

The moral of the story: Say no to drugs and cut down on the alcohol. Those things mess with your memory big time.

found herself @ 8:22 PM 1 comments

Iskul bukol

I have my last interview for my summer internship on Wednesday the 23rd. The interview is with a foundation located in the West Loop of Chicago. I have to do better this time because I just got an e-mail from Louis, the director of the Philanthropy and Non-Profit Management program, and he told me one of my interviewers said I didn't seem to know much about the foundation. Shiyeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Nakakahiya.

I suspect my interviewer at this foundation focusing on women's issues said that, especially since I did admit that I didn't know much about what they did. Gawd. I know I didn't get to do much research and I was pretty tired, since I had just arrived from Michigan and I was sick besides. And I also thought it might make the interviewer feel more important if I downplayed what little I knew so she'd have more stuff to tell me. Or it might make me look like I was really eager to learn or open to new ideas and experiences. What the hell was I thinking? I am such an idiot.

Napa-praning tuloy ako. Langhya. I went for an interview with a foundation dealing with legal issues yesterday afternoon and that went all right--it lasted for about an hour. I printed something from the foundation's website and my interviewer saw me holding the printout, and he assumed I had done extensive research about the foundation. Ewan ko. Then again, I asked him a lot of questions, so maybe he interpreted it as ignorance on my part? WAAAAAH!!!!

Prior to my interview, my first choice was the foundation dealing with legal issues, my second choice was the foundation focusing on women's issues, and my third choice was with the community foundation I'll be interviewing for tomorrow. Right now, my first and second choices are reversed. I know I shouldn't close my doors because I haven't completed my interviews yet, but still...I dunno, that's where I stand at the moment. In terms of location, the women's foundation is the closest (about a half-hour commute by train) and the community foundation the farthest (I have to transfer to the green line from the Lake station, where I would incidentally get off if I were to work for the women's foundation. I also got off this station when I babysat for Gabriella, so before I walked into my interview, I couldn't help musing, "From DH (domestic helper) to intern. Wow, promoted ang beauty ko."

Shit. I'll be lucky if I get an internship placement at all. If not, I'll just have to go back to babysitting on the side. Waaaaah.

***

On a more positive note, I got back my homework for my Assessment workshop and it turns out I did better than expected. I actually got As for all three assignments. Woo-hoo! And I didn't even get penalized for handing in one assignment a day late.

I could have attended the last class without getting into trouble, after all, because some of my classmates didn't have their homework done, either. One of them just turned in the second assignment today, and that was due two weeks ago! Shoot. The moral of the story: no matter how screwed you think you are, go to class.

So my Assessment workshop is over and done with. My professor told us not too put too much effort into our projects because it's just a one-credit workshop after all. I wish she had said that earlier, don't you? But that's okay.

I have one more workshop to do--Designing a Syllabus, it's called--and I'm done with the Community College Learning and Teaching Certificate program. I wonder if it will open doors for me in the States, or if I can use it wherever I go. I just found out from my classmates ("colleagues," if you will) that they need 15 credit hours to get tenure, and the certificate only gives them 9 credit hours. So they need to take two more classes to get tenure.

On a sad note, the program is folding up. My instructor just announced that this afternoon. She said the grant used to fund the program is running out, and Loyola refused to take it on, administratively. Jennifer, the co-director of the program, will also be moving to take on an administrative position at Loyola's Office of Mission and Ministry. All this administrative crap is making my head spin. So after the third cohort (the batch after me), the program is a done deal. What a shame because from what I've heard, other people who teach in community colleges are interested in taking it.

I know I ranted about how part of me feels the program was a ripoff, but I still feel sad.

***

I saw The Girl again this afternoon (I'll just call her that for now so I won't incriminate myself). Being the denial queen that I am (read: I usually don't own up to my attraction to other people till I'm in too deep or after the fact), I can't say I have a crush on her. Funny, I always bump into her at the most random times. I also bump into her during the most "wa-poise" moments of my life. I don't know if I'm attracted to her or if she's attracted to me, but whenever we talk, the chemistry is there. It's undeniable. Whenever we talk, it's as if both of us are reluctant to part ways but we both have to get on with our next thing.

Am I falling in love????

***

I want to tell myself things will work out, somehow, as far as my studies are concerned. Haaayyy...I guess I'll just take my last interview as a chance to redeem myself.

Okay, gotta go. It's Friday night, and being the big nerd that I am, I'm at the computer lab. I gotta do some errands and just relax at home. Hopefully, I can hook up with Her, despite our busy schedules.

found herself @ 6:50 PM 0 comments

More songs that speak to me

Haha, this is what I do in my spare time--I check my blog, I look up the lyrics of certain songs, and I post them on my blog. Is this what my life as a graduate student and a research assistant has done to me? Lately, I've been doing non-academic stuff as this in my down time--no matter how busy my schedule is. I've been blogging like a maniac, really.

I looked up two more songs that speak to the heart...and say a lot about certain chapters of my young life. The songs remind me of certain relationships I had--of failed relationships and relationships that didn't turn out to be the way I wanted them to be.

By the way, who sang the song "Naked and Sacred?" Was it Chynna Phillips or someone else? I looked it up on Google and I saw several other names beside the song, so I just wanted to make sure. Wala lang. The first time I heard this song was almost five years ago. I was in a bar with some friends in the Philippines, although I don't remember which bar it was (was it in Libis or Malate?) or who I was with. I never thought I'd hear this song again, till I checked out NakedVagitarian's blog. Thanks for including that song in your background music, NV! Now I can sing to it, hehe =)

The lyrics of "Once in a Lifetime" speak to me in such a weird way. I always liked this song, and I could never explain why. I used to interpret the lyrics as the tale of someone left by a lover or a "bedfriend" she secretly loved, and I always wondered why the song spoke to me because I had never made love with someone who left me in the end. In fact, in the relationships I had been involved in at that time, I had never been left by anyone--at least, not yet, because this was years before R came into my life, played with my heart, mercilessly cut me out of his life, and broke my heart. Usually, I was the one who walked away.

In hindsight, I've come to realize the song says a lot about my relationship with H, my first girlfriend. We dated during my sophomore and junior year of college. Our relationship was an open relationship, though. She flirted and slept with guys in the open--in school, in the bars and clubs we went to, and sometimes, it was even right under my nose--but I put up with it, and loved her unconditionally (grabe, MARTYR!!!) For the record, we never had sex. I don't know why--and I wasn't in our relationship for the sex anyway. It's hard to explain why I can connect with the lyrics of the song so much. I never slept with her, so I don't even know what making love to her would have been like (although I wanted her to be my first you-know-what, for sure). I also broke up with her, eventually--not because of the way she was sleeping around, but because we had drifted apart and were living separate lives. Maybe it's because the song really conveys what it's like to love until it hurts--and what it means to risk loving someone, even when the other person would never love you back, or at least love you the way you want to be loved, or stop loving you at some point. Who knows? All I know is that H was my once in a lifetime. We lost touch after college, and I had my reasons for not wanting to see her for sometime. Weirdly enough, she would send her regards (and her love, as she put it) to my sister, whose boyfriend she was friends with, or my childhood best friend, whom she went to law school with. We resumed our communication last year, and we met up when I went home for a visit last fall and last Christmas. But she never called me again after the last time we went out.
Hehe, once in a lifetime talaga.

Here goes, the lyrics of the songs...

found herself @ 5:52 PM 1 comments

I hate my assessment class

I swear to God, I hate my Assessment class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For a freakin' one-credit workshop that meets four times a week, it's so much more trouble than it's worth. I can't understand why we have assignments due in the middle of the week prior to the class, and separate assignments due in class itself. And I hate the way we have to send those mid-week assignments through Blackboard, through digital dropbox to be exact. Good God!!!!!!!!! What is it all for??? Not all of us have internet access at home. DUH! We have unreasonable assignments, even if we either teach or work at another job.

I finished my assignment just in time, though. Well, I sent it at 5:05 PM because I had to type a note besides. But it's done.

***

I'm so sick, I feel so sorry for myself. I know I have a cold, cough, and fever (at times), but I think I have something else. I can't yawn without my jaw hurting. God, you can't let me get sick. I have a freakin' thesis to write and interviews to do for both my thesis and my summer internship.

I better get something to eat. If I feel good, I'll go to class. Then again, I don't want to miss class because it's statistics and I'd get so lost if I were to miss even one class. WAAAAH!

found herself @ 5:06 PM 1 comments

Manic Wednesday

I had another crazy morning. I've been sick with a cold and occasional bouts of fever for the past couple of days, and I'm recovering from a sore throat besides, so I've been kinda out of it. I woke up at 6AM (I do so automatically these days), but I went back to sleep and I didn't get up till 8:25AM. Grabe. And I had to do an interview at my thesis site at 10AM. Usually, I have to give myself at least an hour and 15 minutes to get there. I got ready and headed for the train station by my apartment like a maniac, but because the trains and buses were running slow, I didn't get to my site till 10:20AM. And the moment I walked in the door, Marge (the administrative assistant) told me that Danny (the guy I wanted to interview) had just left 10 minutes before I got there. Apparently, the clock at my thesis site is fast (American-speak for advanced) by 10 minutes, so it was 10:30AM by their watch. Marge said Danny had waited, but decided to take off. It turns out he's usually out by noon because he just volunteers there now and he just started working at another job. Ang aga pala ng noon para sa kanila, hehe.

Well, things still worked out. I would have been a total mess if I did the interview today anyways because...guess what...just as I was about to get off the bus, I found out I didn't even have my tape recorder in my book bag. I thought I had it in there, but I guess I moved it to another bag and just forgot to take it out. I would later find out that I didn't even have the demographic information sheet that I ask my interviewees to fill out, and my consent forms, either. Gawd! Talk about being sabog. And I'm not even under the influence of drugs or alcohol, hehehe =) Sheesh.

Anyway, I'm gonna try interviewing Danny on Monday. Marge said to call her at around 7AM to confirm that I'm going there for sure, so she can tell Danny to stay for a bit. I sure as hell hope I'm feeling better than then. I hate being sick. It sucks big time.

I ended up showing Marge the transcript of the interview I did with her last year and she said it was "hysterical" reading it. She told me I did a good job transcribing it, although she did clarify some points, and she found it weird but interesting to see what she had said in writing. I told her I'd give her a copy of the interview transcript and she's looking forward to that because she wants to show it to her daughters. I also got to ask her about what happened to each of the ladies I interviewed--whether they just left, relapsed on drugs, got kicked out, moved, or whatever. So things did work out. My time there wasn't wasted.

* * *

I got an e-mail from Ate Sharl. Sorry kapatid, di pa ako maka-reply. I'll reply later. I miss my friend. We didn't really get to talk or hang out when I was home because of the many things that came up. So I miss her a lot.

found herself @ 12:48 PM 0 comments

Manic Monday

I just came back from Michigan, where I stayed during the latter part of my Spring break. I stayed with Johnna (at her friend and surrogate mom Vicki's house and at her mom and stepdad's house) in the rural Freeport area from Thursday night through yesterday (Sunday). She drove me to the Grand Rapids Dominicans convent, where Elizabeth lives, yesterday morning, and I stayed there overnight. Elizabeth took me to the train station this morning. My train left at 735AM, and by 1030AM (Chicago time; 1130AM Michigan time), I was back in Chicago. It was back to the grind for me. Time to live the life I like to escape from once in a while. I hit the ground running, as usual.

I had barely two hours to hang out at my apartment. I had to get ready for an interview for the internship I have to do this summer as part of the graduate certificate in Advanced Philanthropy that I'm working on (I also hope to get it counted as a sociology elective, so as to complete my coursework). I ironed the jacket I was considering wearing (for the first time, after my mom bought it for me last August), and I freakin' burned it (sorry, Ma). Since I don't have bond paper at home, I had to rush to the computer lab to print another copy of my resume, just in case. I was in such a hurry that I didn't have a decent lunch--just a few sips of coffee, a granola bar, and later Gummy Worms. No wonder I feel so lightheaded.

At least I got to my interview site early (read: 30 minutes early). This afternoon, I went for an interview with a foundation for women. It's a progressive organization that funds non-organizations serving women and girls in Metropolitan Chicago. Projects addressing violence against women, women's health and reproductive rights, and women's leadership (especially leadership among minority and lesbian women, woohoo!) receive top priority. It also pays a stipend. The interview went relatively well. The program director was really warm and sincere, and we talked for about 45 minutes. I HOPE I GET IN. It seems like a cool place to work in.

I haven't heard from the other two foundations I applied to. I better follow up on that before it's too late.

I better go home and get something to eat or get some sleep. I also have a midterm to study for. I'm such a slacker.

***

Michigan was fun. It was a good change of environment. I'll post an entry about my trip next time.

My only pet peeve is that two supposedly good friends said something that made me feel uncomfortable.

found herself @ 6:09 PM 0 comments

Buhay America

I just surfed the Inquirer website. Today's Youngblood piece, "The Return" (written by Jason Pacheco, who I think is my batchmate from Ateneo), is an interesting read. Having lived on foreign soil for almost three years now (with yearly--or if I'm lucky, bi-annual--visits to the Philippines in between), I can definitely relate to what Jason went through upon returning to the States. The same thing happens to me each time I come back to Chicago. If someone (like my auntie, uncle, or my best friend Johnna) can pick me up at the airport and/or help me bring my luggage up to my apartment (which is on the fourth floor of my building), I'm lucky. Otherwise, I have no choice but to haul my heavy-ass bags up to my apartment by myself, and that gesture itself is a painful reminder that I am once again so far away from the place I still call home.

I had such an encounter when I came back last August after a month-long vacation in the Philippines. I arrived in Chicago at around 6AM. No one could pick me up at the airport because my uncle and my cousin had to leave for work by then, my auntie was still working her shift as a nurse, and Johnna was still jet-lagged, having arrived from the Philippines the day before I did. So I just took a cab from the O'Hare International Airport to my apartment. As I dragged each piece of luggage up the stairs, the harsh reality of my being away from home, of my being in a big city by myself (for the most part), just hit me. The weight of each trolley I carried seemed to mock me. I could only tell myself, "Welcome back. Welcome to America, where I do everything myself, for better or worse. Where the loneliness and isolation I feel can be excruciating, even as I recognize how much I've grown through the years and how my life here has somehow blossomed." And when I called home that night, I relayed my latest realizations about the buhay-America blues to my mom. That was all I could do.

Funny how each time I come back here, Chicago seems much quieter. The noise that fills the streets of my neighborhood, the hustle and bustle of North Sheridan Road (the main road across my school's Lake Shore Campus), the crazy drivers (yes, Chicago has its fair share of kaskasero drivers) who don't know the meaning of right of way--suddenly, all these seem so quiet during my first couple of weeks back here. But of course. The busy streets of Chicago will always seem so lame, compared to the chaos of Manila.

And when night falls, the silence can be deafening, at least for my first couple of weeks back here. Thank God I have a cellphone, so I can text people in the Philippines. However, not everyone replies to my text messages because of the costs involved. And whether I send text messages to the Philippines or receive text messages from the homeland, I pay for it, regardless. Yup, the cellphone industry here is different. To call home, I need to buy a phone card (unless I want a huge phone bill for the month), and if it's cold outside or if I have 3,000 other things to do, the phone call will have to wait. If the phone card turns out to be defective (i.e. you can't use it after you make a phone call and no one picks up; if it has fewer minutes than what is published in the poster/s at the convenience store; or if the connection is really bad and you lose minutes by just dialing the number you want to call repeatedly), too fucking bad. Whenever the person I'm trying to call (usually my mom) is out, I go ballistic. Why? Because I lose precious minutes just waiting for her to pick up, especially when the maid or whoever answers the phone is hard of hearing/speaks slowly/takes forever to let me know that she's not around. And sometimes, I end up having to buy/use another phone card. It's enough to drive me nuts, and I always end up texting my sisters, threatening that I will never call home again, unless they tell me my mom is around, or that I'm gonna teach the maid/s a crash course in Special Topics in Phone Etiquette: How to Answer the Telephone When Diane Calls from Overseas. Of course my threats remain just that--mere threats.

During my first couple of weeks back here, I get swamped with bills I have to pay, the chores I have to do (e.g. laundry, cooking, dishwashing, cleaning my room, the living room, and the bathroom, grocery-shopping, etc.), and other things I have to catch up on. It gets pretty overwhelming, and I long for the more carefree life I had back home. I get really bad attacks of homesickness and I wonder if graduate studies abroad and my independent life and greater financial stability in Chicago were worth it, for me to leave loved ones and precious ties in the Philippines behind, at least for the time being. I berate myself for staying in school, and therefore staying in Chicago, longer than planned. But once I get settled into the routine of school/work (and rakets, if any)/chores, my life here isn't so bad anymore. I eventually readjust to my life in America, the loneliness and isolation of my lifestyle notwithstanding. I tell myself time will pass and it will be time for me to go home for a visit before I know it.

The downside is this: once I've completely (re-)adjusted to my life here, it's time for me to go back home for a visit. When I'm in the Philippines, I initially need to get used to living there and being around certain people, places, and things and observing certain norms and rules once again. And just when I get used to living there again, it's time for me to come back here. I have always said there's nothing like going home to the Philippines that makes me soooooooo vulnerable. Such has been my life for the past two years or so. You would think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. And perhaps I never will get used to it.

found herself @ 5:02 PM 0 comments

Happy Women's Day

Happy Women's Day to all women all over the world!

I almost forgot that today was Women's Day (at least in the States and the Northern Hemisphere, anyway, since it's already March 9th in the Philippines and other countries in the Southern Hemisphere). So thank you, Ate Ging, for the reminder.

Just wanted to share this really beautiful quote from Edwidge Danticat, one of my favorite writers. This passage appeared in her book, Breath, Eyes, Memory:

found herself @ 5:50 PM 0 comments

An illiterate blogger's FAQs

Obviously, I'm not an experienced blogger, so I just ended up posting one picture after another on my blog. I am in the process of deleting the pictures I posted, but if my blog looks whacked out for a while, pasensiya na.

I know only a few people read my blog, but I'll post my questions anyway. To whoever answers my questions, salamat kaayo!!!!!!!!!! My low-tech blog is making me buang.

Okay, here goes:

1) How do you link your photos to your profile? Or how do you post a link to your photos right next to your profile?
2) Can you post a picture on the same page as your entry?
3) Any creative ways to design (or redesign) your blog?

Thanks!

found herself @ 5:32 PM 1 comments

Wala lang...

found herself @ 5:37 PM 3 comments

My Assessment class is such a biatch

Note: This entry contains a lot of cuss words. When I'm mad, I tend to curse a lot (at the situation, not at people). If that offends your sensibilities, you have the option not to read this entry. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I swear to God, my Community College Learning and Teaching workshop (Assessing Learning in Community Colleges) this semester is such a biatch. It's a one-credit workshop that meets four times (for three hours) a semester, for crying out loud, but it entails as much work as my other three-credit classes. I read somewhere that technically, the amount of time you're supposed to prepare for a class is twice or 2.5 times the number of credits for that class. Well, I spend as much time, even more time, preparing for that stupid workshop. It's much more trouble than it's work.

I hate the way my instructor makes us complete all these handouts and sets the deadline before our actual class. What the crap is it for??? How unreasonable can you get? She gives us too much work. I want to tell her, it's just a freakin' one-credit workshop. Honestly, I even think our three-hour-long sessions are too much. They should come up with a different schedule.

Obviously, I'm not an education major, so I've been struggling through this crap. I never realized how assessing student learning is a lot of work. And I didn't get much work done because Johnna stayed over from Monday night till yesterday. She didn't leave for Michigan till 7PM last night, so I had to attend to her as well, and of course we hung out. I was happy to spend quality time with my best friend, especially since she'll be living in the opposite side of the world in less than a month. =( By the time she left, I was too wiped to do anything. I also ended up calling Ryce, my long-lost friend from TUGON (the student organization in Ateneo that we belonged to) who lives in Rhode Island right now. Shortly after I got off the phone, Irene called to tell me she was gonna drop off my interview tape once and for all, as well as to rant about her ex-boyfriend. Johnna also called later to let me know she was close to Michigan. To make a long story short, I didn't get any work done last night.

Strangely enough, although I slept at 10:15 PM or something, I woke up at 8AM this morning, so I had only enough time to get my ass over to work. I tried finishing the bloody assignment after our seminar, but nooooo, Grace S. had to interrupt me to ask me if we could talk about what we sociology grad students (me, Meg, and Grace T.) could do to take a stand on Dr. I's tenure issue. I know, Grace had asked me if it was a good time to talk to me then, but I didn't want to be rude and hey, Dr. I's tenure case matters sooooo much to me. I was nowhere near done at 130PM, and my class was 140PM. So I cut my bloody class. I'm done with the assignments now. I e-mailed everything to CB, the instructor, at around 3PM. I just hope she accepts it. And I hope I can catch up on whatever I missed. Kainis! I didn't want to cut class, especially since I'm paying for my tuition out of my own pocket (well, with a little help from the parents this time). But stuff comes up and ruins your plans. Shiet happens.

I suddenly remember what J, this guy in my class last year (he was in the first cohort and I suspect that he liked me or flirted with me briefly. We hung out at his apartment for a night but nothing sexual happened.), said about CB once. He said she didn't seem to know a lot about the subject but attempted to cover up for it by giving them a lot more readings. During the last two sessions, I was ready to dismiss what J told me as unfounded allegations, but after I completed the assignments this afternoon, I realized he had a point.

Actually, I've been wondering for the past semester or so whether the entire CCLT program was one big effing ripoff all along. Well, I guess the summer class and the Community College Student and Students as Learners workshops were great, but I wonder whether the entire program was worth it. If I don't end up teaching in a community college because I decide to go back to the Philippines right after I get my Ph.D. for one reason or another, will I be screwed? Hay...ewan ko na lang. I've been learning the hard way the consequences of making my life so complicated. Somebody shoot me now.

I'm so ready for Spring break because I'm sooo tired. I have to babysit for three days, then I'm done with raket-ing for now. I'm gonna go to Michigan for part of the time. I NEED A BREAK.

Okay, this computer lab is getting so cold so I better go. More when I feel like it.

found herself @ 1:56 PM 0 comments

My crazy Chicago life and a song that speaks to my heart

found herself @ 6:38 PM 0 comments